Lost For Words

December 25^th, 2014

Merry Christmas! Sue-sa-dye Noel! There is something so special about this year, that there are no words to describe it. God brought together four girls in a way that doesn’t have a word, but simply God Himself. The unity that we have is so incredible and what makes it that way is the power of prayer. The three girls I get to serve alongside are so beautiful and I couldn’t have asked for a better team. We’ve witnessed so much, we’ve shared so much, we’ve laughed uncontrollably, and we’ve experienced the presence of God so raw together.

     Raw. Raw would be the best way I can describe last night to you. Cambodian Christians have their Christmas festivities every weekend throughout the month of December and don’t really make Christmas Eve and day as much of a big deal. We’ve celebrated six times already! In light of that, we had our own Christmas Eve service on our wonderful balcony. The same balcony where we shared snacks, laughter, joy, and our experiences with the Lord. Lighting the two candles we have, we placed them in the middle and passed around the Bible, reading Luke chapter two…only by candle light. And don’t forget the bugs that flocked to the candles. After reading, we went into worship and prayer. During that time, the Lord touched me in a way that I cannot describe. I had prayed, “Thank You that it’s not about the snow or even our families…but it’s about…Your Son…” and I lost it. I was speechless. We went into more worship and the lyrics to one song was “At the cross you beckon me. Draw me gently to my knees and I am, LOST FOR WORDS, so lost in love. I am sweetly broken, holy surrendered…” I was brought to tears. With the candles flickering, over a starry night, the four of us were crying out to our King. He slowed down time in that moment, it was just me and Him, and I’ve never experienced Him in such a raw way.

     I have always known the true meaning of Christmas and that is Christ, but I have never experienced this and fully known it with my heart. I am so thankful that it is not part of the Cambodians’ culture to do something over the top on Christmas Eve. God wanted it to be just me and Him. He made it so clear last night. Genuinely, JOY TO THE WORLD, THE LORD HAS COME!

Week 11 IBS Matthew 1:24-25 ~Break Every Chain~

Wednesday December 24^th, 2014

Matthew 1:24-25 “Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name JESUS.”

            Merry Christmas! It’s the most beautiful time of the year! Here in Cambodia they celebrate Christmas many times throughout the month of December at different villages. We have attended six parties and we’ve been invited to a few more. It’s been an interesting experience to say the least. At these parties, the hosting village usually does the play of Baby Jesus, some traditional Khmer dancing, and sometimes a fashion show. It’s definitely not the normal Christmas experience I’m used to, but I’m blessed to have been and still be a part of it this year.

            Khrang Thnong, my home village, was the one I was looking forward to the most. It was on Saturday December 20^th and we got to be a part of the hosting! It was quite the time! Kim Thean, one of the English teachers I’ve written about before, and a couple of the high school girls that come to English class came to the Christmas event! And all of them are Buddhist. My heart was filled with joy when I saw them. When it came time to Worship, they told me they were leaving and that they would be back in 30 minutes. Saddened, I asked them why and they just scattered away. I got really discouraged, because I felt like we had taken a step forward with them and now two steps back, so I just prayed. I asked God to take away the discouragement, and knowing He had a plan, I asked Him to bring them back and to just continue using us. Well the last song they sang was “Praya-yay-su” (“Jesus”). It is a very moving song, just making the name of Jesus known. All of the girls returned just in time for this song…God IMMEDIATELY flipped the discouragement. I was filled with His joy and peace and encouragement.

            Later on in the event, those of the church did a mime to the song “Break Every Chain”. In Cambodia, there isn’t really a focus of chains of worldly things like drinking, or self-image, but it’s more of a spiritual battle and a lot of darkness. The mime was showing how Jesus breaks those chains and overcomes the darkness. It was a very powerful mime. Kim Thean and all the girls saw the mime and I heard Kim Thean say “wow” while it was going…! The name of Jesus was loud and clear that night! God is working and I have faith those girls will come to know Him personally!

            Prayer is what got me through and that’s what the Lord has been working and growing me in! I NEED to continue to turn to prayer right when things like that occur. Praise Him in every situation!

Week 10 IBS Matthew 16:24-25 ~Board Talk~

Thursday December 18^th, 2014

Matthew 16:24-25 “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

            The Salt and Light School is Monday through Friday from 5pm until 6pm. Anna, Izzy, Kaylee, and myself rotate between classes to help the teachers conduct their class and teach English to the children. On Monday I helped with Linda in her class. Afterwards, I talked to her and asked her questions about her day and if she read her Bible that day. She is one who doesn’t know as much English, but she has improved immensely! We teach her and the other teachers, the youth, English at 6pm after the Salt and Light School. While trying my best to communicate with her, she asked me to write my questions on the white board. Each time I would finish writing I would turn to her and ask, “yoll?” which is the Khmer word for “understand”. She would nod her head and try her best to answer. When I came to asking her about reading her Bible she said yes, but then asked, “Can you teach me Bible in English?” I was just filled with joy and of course my answer was yes! We spent a good 10 minutes trying to communicate when would work best. Finally we came to the conclusion that Monday through Wednesday at 12:30pm would work! I invited the other youth girls too.

            So aware that they would be coming the next day, I began praying as to what the Lord wanted me to talk about with them. Knowing the fact of daily surrender and dying to self has spoken to me, and that we need to encourage them to daily read their Bible and pray, I thought of Matthew 16:24 that morning. But one problem…I couldn’t remember the reference, I only remembered the verse itself. So I just prayed and knew the Lord would make it clear and show me the reference for that verse if He wanted me to talk on that. Remembering I needed to underline something in Matthew 18, I turned there. After underlining the verses, I decided to read Matthew 16 since that day was the 16^th. Reading through, God was just speaking. I got further and further and finally verse 24 says, “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” I nearly jumped out of the hammock I was swinging in, I got so excited!

            12:30 rolled around and they showed up; Linda, Srey Nich, and Seakly. I prayed in English and I asked one of them to pray in Khmer and we began. It was a short and to the point study, but seriously all the Holy Spirit. I encouraged them in daily surrender and giving their hearts to the Lord so we could be walking in the Spirit and not in the flesh. The girls said they had the desire to read their Bible and grow in their relationships with the Lord. They kept asking us questions and for advice. It was such a beautiful thing. After two and a half months of observing and praying and taking slow steps in the Lord faithfully, He has brought forth an incredible opportunity for discipleship! Kaylee taught yesterday and we’re praying about going through a whole book of the Bible with them. The Lord is working and His hand is all over this situation!

            Something started from the board talk I had with Linda that day, and I’m excited to see how it flourishes and what work the Lord is going to do! I must stay faithful, stay in prayer, and stay humble.

Week 9 IBS James 1:2-3 Stay Faithful With the Digging

Sunday December 14^th, 2014

James 1:2-3 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”

            Before beginning my reading in James this morning, I prayed for God to grow me. Now, in this moment I don’t believe I am facing a trial, it definitely came a while ago when I was not trusting God with my family. (Which God brought me through and I know I am so much stronger, because of that time) But knowing there is always time for growth, I asked God for that. Then, I read this chapter. I’m still not sure why I chose James to read, but I decided yesterday after I was done reading Jeremiah, all I know is I felt lead to do so and that was obviously for a reason.

God definitely has me in a time of patience. We are digging and building the foundation here in Cambodia, and that requires work, work that we may or may not see the fruit from ourselves, but will come in the future. I’ve been learning to have patience, trust, and obedience, and to stay faithful in the digging. And if I do say, which I’m sure we all can relate to…patience is hard. Some days we don’t do a lot of work, but in those moments, it’s a matter of seeking Him out, meditating on His word, and praying. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but it comes down to trusting that the Lord’s will gets accomplished each day.

So, if patience is something I need to grow in, then so be it. I’m not sure if this chapter was God preparing me for things to come or if it was just a reminder. Either way, I desire for God to grow me in any areas I need growing in. I want Him to grow me, so using that I can go forth and pour into other people. I can’t say anything that can happen in the future, only God knows that, but whatever it is, I know He is with me every step of the way.

Application: Count everything joy, I am alive and God desires to use me still. Whatever God has for me, remember to find joy in every situation! I will write joy on my hand as a reminder for today.

Week 8 IBS jeremiah 44:3

Wednesday December 3^rd, 2014

Jeremiah 44: 3 “because of their wickedness which they have committed to provoke Me to anger, in that they went to burn incense and to serve other gods whom they did not know, they nor you, nor your fathers.”

            After an uncomfortable night, restless sleep, and waking up this morning with a sore throat, I thought to myself, “I can’t let this effect my attitude for the day.” So I marched on down to the handmade gazebo above the pond and just prayed…for a long time…for everything. I was overwhelmed with the joy of the Lord. There is nothing that can get me down, I am beyond blessed, I am alive, I am living in Cambodia, and I get to serve the Lord. I opened my Bible to Jeremiah chapter 44 and began reading. The whole chapter speaks of burning incense and serving other gods, false gods. The people would not listen to the word from the Lord told through Jeremiah and kept with the false gods. Not sure what the Lord was trying to telling me, I looked up at the beautiful scenery around me and realized the Buddhists down the street. Sitting there just saddened by the worship to a false idol, I couldn’t help but think of Kim Thean. I wrote about her on November 12^th. Praise report, she attended the youth cell group on Monday night a few weeks ago! She said she felt happy and I told her that was Jesus. Ever since though, she’s been holding back.

            Just sitting, thinking, praying, I just didn’t know what God was trying to say or tell me. I still am not so sure, I mean it’s only been a few hours, but I just don’t know. All I know is God is working. There is so much more than meets the eye and that I’m not aware of, but God is. I just need to trust. This book has shown me time and time again throughout these weeks of stepping out in faith, trusting the Lord, and obedience. So I may not know why this came up today, but I do know I need to humble myself, let God work, have faith and trust His will gets accomplished each day, and if He tells me to do something, to go and do it.

Application: Today, through prayer, I won’t let the joy of the Lord leave me. I will pray for humility to constantly come over me. I will trust in Him…always.

Week 7 IBS Jeremiah 32:27 & Romans 12:12

Monday November 24^th, 2014

Jeremiah 32:27 “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”

Romans 12:12 “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;”

            Day after day, I went through the motions, ignoring thoughts of doubt that would creep into my mind, until it would come up and bring me to tears. I lost the trust. I lost the faith. I lost the hope. I had forgotten how big my God is. Calling and talking to my family is amazing, but it’s difficult to hear the same thing, knowing that there are hardened hearts and there is no desire for church again or allowing God to work. It saddens me to see them in this state, but I let go of hope for change, I let doubt come and rule over my mind. Pray for big things I was told which is something I know, but because I let doubt come, I forgot….

That evening, we were doing a girls study with the youth and the lady leading it was doing some verse from Romans 12. That’s all we were told, because the rest was in Khmer. Praying for the Holy Spirit to fill us and surpass the language barrier, I just read all of Romans 12 and verse 12 was like flashing lights. “Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer”. And that’s exactly it, that’s what I was missing, hope, patience, and prayer.

 A day later, Jeremiah 32:27 comes into my morning with the Lord. “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?” God was using His word to ask me, “Brittani, why are you putting Me in a box?” God is so much bigger than I can ever understand. He is my Creator, my King, Jesus is my Savior. How could I possibly let it grow so far that I would forget that? Well I wasn’t giving my family to Him, I was letting thoughts build instead of taking them captive, and I didn’t have hope. But God restored all to me. These reminders were exactly what I needed! God is so good!

Application: To be sure I don’t let this happen again, I must daily surrender my family to the Lord, as I’ve done in the past, but in order to not forget how big God is I will memorize these verses. And I will constantly remind myself “Lord, I trust in You”.

Week 6 IBS Ecclesiastes 3:1

Saturday November 22^nd, 2014

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:”

            I’ve always loved this chapter of Ecclesiastes, it’s such a good reminder that there is a time for everything. Acting the wrong way in a situation that requires a different reaction could actually turn into sin. A better example would be the second part of verse 7, “A time to keep silence, and a time to speak”. Being the self-centered human that I am, I want my voice to be heard. So I tend to try and speak out when I feel I need to, which is quite often. Or if I do say something, sometimes I don’t feel heard or what I say gets shot down. I know that is not an all the time occurrence, but those are the ones I remember, because that is when my pride got shut down, which is a marvelous thing. I don’t need to speak every single time something comes up. I may be in a position of just listening, which is okay too. I can’t let my pride and selfishness get in the way when I need to just be listening.

            God has definitely blessed me with the gift of listening. When people need someone to talk to, I’m the girl to come to. I can sit and listen to you all day long. When it comes to advice, I pray and let the Lord lead, but listening is something He’s gifted me in. But that is not the point. I need to remember this gift of listening the Lord has given me and use it from time to time. I need to pray for discernment for when a good time for me to speak is or when is a good time for me to simply listen. Not only with listening and speaking, but for everything as this verse states. There comes season for everything, it’s just a matter of it being appropriate for the situation.

Application: God’s timing is perfect for everything, I need to have discernment with the different reactions I can have. So my prayer is for discernment. And I will just sit back and listen today, to those around me and to the Spirit.

Jeremiah 20:9

Thursday November 13, 2014

Jeremiah 20:9 “Then I said, ‘I will not make mention of Him, not speak anymore in His name.’ But His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not.”

            It’s 6:30am, probably the coolest point of the day. A nice breeze kisses my face as I rock back and forth in a hammock that sits under what would be a gazebo, above a mossy pond. The sun is rising behind me as I look out on the water and the surrounding trees while listening to worship music. Serenity at its finest. The lyrics that rang in my ears were, “Who am I, who am I without You? I’m the one that You reached out to. And faith had failed. Your brilliance held the sweetest truth. Nothing in this world compares to You.” All the while I open my Bible to Jeremiah chapter 20. Jeremiah has been experiencing persecution and with verse nine of this chapter, he is kind of done, but the Lord places His word on his heart and Jeremiah can’t help but let it out, he can’t hold back.

            Realizing the situation I’m in, God showed me that I cannot hold back. I will experience persecution and spiritual attacks, I will be uncomfortable in some cases, but God prevails. There is a work here that needs to be done and the Lord has place me here, at this time, for a reason. When I may feel I need to be done, that’s when I need to run faster. There is a passion and a desire in my heart for being here, I can’t hold back. The people of Cambodia need to hear the name of Jesus and know Him like I know Him. He’s already done a work in Kim Thean; He has a plan, not only for her, but for others and He has allowed me to be a part of it all. He has reached out to me and I am nothing without Him. He desires to use me, so I need to plunge into the unknown (what is only known by God), take heed, and run after what God has placed before me, not holding back one bit.

            Application: Do not hold back. Run with all you’ve got.

Week 5 IBS Jeremiah 18:15

Wednesday November 12, 2014

Jeremiah 18:15 “Because My people have forgotten Me, they have burned incense to worthless idols. And they have caused themselves to stumble in their ways, from the ancient paths, to walk in the pathways and not on a highway”

            It may seem weird that I am doing this verse this week, but I happened to be reading in Jeremiah 18 this morning and it just fit with an encounter I had yesterday. Every evening here in Kraing Tnong, there are English classes with kids from the age of 5 to 17, they are split up based on their level of English. The classes occur in the compound of the church and the teachers are high school students that volunteer to help teach these other kids English. Kaylee, Anna, Izzy, and I help out with these classes every evening.

All of the teachers are saved, except for one. Her name is Kim Thean. She is a real sweetheart and a good worker and teacher, but about a week or so ago she had mentioned to Kaylee that she wasn’t a Christian. With that news we prayed for her. Last night I happened to be helping in her class and at the end she was telling me how one of the other teachers, Seaht Lee knows a lot more English than her because Seaht Lee comes to the church compound all the time because she is a Christian and Kim Thean is not. Being a Buddhist prominent country, that was the alternative. So I asked her if she knew who created her. At this time Seaht Lee actually came over to us and she ended up translating for me, praise the Lord! Kim Thean’s response to my question was, “my parents”. I said, “Well yes, but God created your parents, and you, and me, and Seaht Lee, and this whole world and everything in it, did you know that?” And her response was no. So I just went into the whole gospel, getting into the sinning part and asking her if she’s ever lied before. She told me no, so I then told her that I myself have lied before, we’ve all done it. Of course then I went into Jesus dying on the cross for the bad things we’ve done and now He’s risen. I don’t need to write out the whole gospel here, but God gave me the opportunity and it was amazing! I asked her if she has gone through hard times and needed things and she said yes, so I told her that God can provide for her and be there for the things she may need, because He loves her! I gave her an example of when we were in need here. Hong, one of the other teachers prayed and then God helped us. I told her that all she has to do is pray and believe Jesus is God’s son and that He died for you and to worship Him you don’t have to light incense, you can sing or pray.

During the entire time of talking to her I could tell she was a little nervous. I will say, I was too, but I knew the Holy Spirit was with me. As I was telling her more and more I could tell that she was just taking it all in…and that is a lot to take in, but a seed was planted yesterday, I was just the vessel. And I pray that us being here and her fellow teachers will be an example and just shine His light. I pray that the seed will flourish and she will come to know the Lord!

Application: With that having happened, my prayer is for her. I need to be open to her and be available to answer any questions she may have, knowing that the Holy Spirit will be with me. That was stepping out of my comfort zone, yet through it all I was so comforted. So I need to be sure that I don’t revert back into a shell, but be the salt and light Jesus calls me to be.