Monday, October 1, 2018

Emotions Are Wavering

View from the girls' house at Potter's Field Ranch.

Emotions are so wavering, that’s why it’s so important to base our walk by faith, not feelings. As I look back at the beginning of July before IGNITE Class 15 came, I was so nervous and fearful. I was beginning a new role as the head girls’ RA and I knew I wasn’t capable. Sitting on the steps of the girls’ house at the new Potter’s Field Ranch, the Lord gave me Psalm 121:1-2, “I will lift my eyes to the hills – from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” In that moment, I looked up at the mountains surrounding the property, a sight that never got old, and God gave me peace. He was with me, He is with me. The past three months were a time of learning, preparation, and growth. It was a sweet season, one that I will cherish for a long time; IGNITE Class 15 has a special place in my heart…
IGNITE Class 15 and some Potter's Field staff.
Today, I am in the Kingdom of Cambodia. God’s promises are yes and amen (2 Corinthians 1:20). I have the honor and privilege of overseeing the team that will come in two weeks from IGNITE Class 15, as well as being the Potter’s Field liaison for Cambodia! I’ve been back for almost a week; a rollercoaster of emotions it has been. Emotions are so wavering. I traveled alone and left just before the last week of IGNITE Class 15’s training. I simply miss everyone from Montana and Colorado too. But, Jehovah Shammah, the Lord is there and is my Companion. Despite the sometimes tears, God has taken me back to that day on the steps of the girls’ house before the interns’ training - where does my help come from? My Companion.

With Team Cambodia IGNITE Class 15!
He has reminded me of HIS faithfulness of being there, of the army I have in Colorado, Montana, and here in Cambodia behind me and with me, as I am for them. I am reminded that He has brought me back to the land He promised my return (several times in fact), and I still got to be a part of the interns who got baptized the other day and their Commissioning through video calls! Yes, emotions are wavering, but do I stand on those? No way. I stand on my Rock and the One who is there!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…”
-Isaiah 43:2-3 (emphasis added)

Sunday, February 25, 2018

God Moves When We Least Expect It

Winter in Montana.

A quiet season, Montana has been. I came back to the States expecting to just be, to just live, and to just help where the needs are - in MudMan and in Media. It is never a bad thing to desire; I hadn't any thoughts of anything else. As I wrote back in October - seek first the Kingdom.

Buy Local Serve Global.
Yet, I have seen the Lord use me in ways that I in myself cannot accomplish. {Glory be to God} Ways that I never would've expected, seeing how much I need to continuously feed on His Word, trust in His Spirit, and seek first His Kingdom. In the midst of working at MudMan and doing Media, I have been a girls house overseer.

The girls in the house I get to oversee.
Blinded by what was given to me, I still strove to make sure I had a place in this ministry, that I was accepted. I was run down by this. The Lord reminded me that I am firstly His daughter, to be just that, everything that comes after is a blessing He has given me to walk in. I was so sweetly reminded that I do have a place, to not strive to prove anything, that I do have a proven character by who the Lord has made me to be. In other words, to just be, seek first His Kingdom, and let the Holy Spirit use me. (I feel as though this has been a bunny trail in my writing, but I want others to know, the Lord has great plans for you, you don't need to try and prove anything, just seek Him and He will do the rest, when you least expect it...)

With a small part of the MudMan Crew.
When you least expect it...I didn't expect to be a girls house overseer when I came back to Montana, but the Lord did it. And with what's next, I didn't expect. The second week of March I will be traveling to Uganda, Africa to lead the IGNITE Class 14 girls team. And then I remembered. During my field time I had asked the Lord about leading a team of girls somewhere, so blessed by my leadership (and have applied such examples in my life today), I too wanted an opportunity to take those examples and lead in my own way as the Lord would lead.

Team Uganda Girls. (Left to right)
Me, Emily, Manon (who will be helping
me lead), Gabbi, & Kaydra.
Without really any other thought about leading a team, today I see the Lord fulfilling that desire that I had spoken with Him once about. And I see His ways of preparing me. From first coming back to the ministry, the severe humbling that needed to take place (and continual that is), to becoming an RA, to assisting in Cambodia, to a girls house overseer currently, now on to Uganda. The Lord knows the desires of our hearts. His ways are higher than ours. He moves when we least expect it. And He makes us ready, because right now, I feel as if I am not, but I know He is equipping me.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Seek First the Kingdom

October 6th, 2017

The Lord has always put something on my heart to give back to Him and trust that He will fulfill it - from coming back to Potter’s Field after the IGNITE Program (which I have been back for two years and a month and a half now!), going back to Cambodia, to going back to Guatemala. Each time, the Lord placed it on my heart, speaking in different ways, and He confirmed it in different ways.

Today I find myself not in that position as the season has changed…I have left Guatemala and am in Montana for IGNITE Class 12’s re-entry. That I know is right where the Lord wants me right now!
As I’ve been searching, seeking, and praying, the Lord has given me nothing to run with…I’ve been frustrated and confused. My heart is in two and I don’t really know the fullness of where the Lord wants me or what He really wants me to do.

But this He has given me and convicted me in: where is my focus and investment?

1 Kings 6:38-7:1 says, “And in the eleventh year, in the month of Bul, which is the eighth month, the house was finished in all its details and according to all its plans. So he was seven years in building it. But Solomon took thirteen years to build his own house; so he finished all his house.”

Seven years for the Lord vs thirteen years for Solomon’s own home. So much investment in praying for what is going to happen to ME vs investing, seeking, and getting to know the Lord more.

Haggai 1:9 says, “You looked for much, but indeed it came to little; and when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why?’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house.”

The Lord showed me the lack I had of simply getting to know Him. He may not be speaking to me in ways like He has before or given me a “certain promise”, but He has been speaking to me to just draw closer to Him and to hold fast to the promises of HIS WORD. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” –Matthew 6:33

"The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore." -Psalm 121:8

Monday, May 1, 2017

Back to Guat

Last time I wrote was in January and I shared how the Lord answered some of my prayers. During that week of revival, I woke up one morning with a heart so heavy for Guatemala. Being in Cambodia and still with a strong desire to be there longer term, I didn't really know why Guatemala was so heavy on my heart, but I began to pray, and in Spanish (I’m not really sure why, but I felt led to pray in Spanish). I thanked the Lord that I know how to speak some Spanish and I asked that I would be able to go back to Guatemala some day and use that Spanish again.

Little did I know that a few hours later, my life would change once again. That day I found out that the Cambodia location would be taking a break from sending IGNITE interns for a season; a phasing out in order to come back and serve in a greater capacity (as the Lord would will). I found out that I would be able to go to Montana for a month to assist in IGNITE Class 11's Re-Entry. – That was one answered prayer. IGNITE Class 11 has a special place in my heart and I had been praying for a while that I would be able to see all of them again during their re-entry. Not many of the staff or 2.O interns get to say they’ve witnessed an IGNITE Class (outside of their own) walk through all phases of the program (minus the interns home service); what a privilege and blessing.
At IGNITE Class 11's Re-Commissioning.
// April 27th, 2017 //
I also found out… *drum roll* …that I would be going BACK TO GUATEMALA to serve in a similar capacity as I was before and R.A. for IGNITE Class 13! –The other answered prayer, and within a few hours’ time. I knew God wasn’t done with me serving in Guatemala when I woke up that day, but I didn’t know the fullness of what that meant and how soon it would be.

I’ve already walked out the answered prayer of being in Montana this past month. It truly was an honor and a blessing to be with Class 11 again, to have heard how their field time went, and to have seen all that the Lord is doing in Montana. Now, I’m walking in the midst of that prayer for Guatemala; I just arrived back a few days ago. It’s like coming home (as it would be when I go to Colorado, Montana, or Cambodia; which gets me excited for heaven).

My heart is still so much for the Kingdom of Cambodia and what the Lord is doing there in and through the Khmer people, but I know Guatemala is where I’m supposed to be in this season. God knows what He’s doing and He is always faithful. He takes me on twists and turns that I never expect, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I know I’m in the center of His will …

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” – Proverbs 16:9 

Back in Antigua, Guatemala.

Monday, January 30, 2017

A Week of Revival

“Sing to Him a NEW song; play skillfully with a shout of JOY.” –Psalm 33:3 (emphasis added)

You cannot pour new wine into old wineskins; a word spoken to me about a month ago… It wasn’t until January 22nd that I searched for the reference of this. Although I have been dwelling on it since it was given to me, I’m not sure why I waited so long to look it up, but God’s timing is perfect in revealing this reference to me as He led me into this week…this week that brought revival to my soul.

Matthew 9:14-17 reads, “Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, ‘Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast. No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

Before this past week, everything in my walk with the Lord was bone dry for a while. God takes us through dry seasons from time to time, but this season stayed dry for me, because I lost heart. I wasn’t striving (in the good way) for the Lord. My lack of depth with Him flowed into the rest of my life and interactions with others…or no interactions rather. But grace and redemption…

I started this week with reading Psalm 33…”sing to Him a NEW song…” I may be back in Cambodia, but this season is new and He is doing something new. The old was good, the new is good too, but old and new do not mix, it brings destruction. Yet beyond that, to my walk with God, my eyes were opened: sing a new song to Him. SURGE. It’s like I was hit with a defibrillator. Revival. As the days went on, I walked through seeing the fear of the Lord, being brought to my knees; discovering that I was hungry and thirsty for more of Him.

“Then the lame shall leap like a deer, and the tongue of the dumb sing. For waters shall burst forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert. The parched ground shall become a pool, and the thirsty land springs of water…” –Isaiah 35:6-7

Defibrillation. Revival. It was not the Lord, but ME - who lacked discipline.

{More of YOU and less of me. Jesus be the center of my life.}

Continuing day by day, strength was given to me and the joy of His salvation was being restored unto me (Psalm 51:10-12). If nothing else had occurred this past week, it wouldn’t have mattered, because I was being found in the Lord. I was getting lost in His presence and was being reminded that I’m only satisfied in Him. Yet, God chose to answer three of my prayers in an instant; a testimony that I will share at a later time.

As that week was coming to a close, God led me to Psalm 37. Verse 3 through the beginning of verse 7 says, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him…”

And that was what this week was. FEED on His faithfulness. DELIGHT in Him.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and
feed on His faithfulness." -Psalm 37:3
Photo Credit: Zach Martinez

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Continual Lessons & A Fulfilled Promise

Touring the Royal Palace with the beautiful IGNITE Class 11 Team
Cambodia girls and amazing Anna Scott. I'm so excited
to see what God has in store for us as a team!
I have been back in the Kingdom of Cambodia for two and a half weeks now! My soul is so overjoyed and full of peace! My flesh has been quite the opposite…sad and selfish. I have found myself full circle, experiencing the same things I experienced at the beginning of any new season, looking at what others have and other seasons in my life. I miss a lot of people from all over, I want to live in my home village of Khrang Thnong, and I miss the set role I had in Guatemala, which included relationships with the people (PFM and locals) and being able to speak the language…selfish. That role took time, the Spanish speaking took time, the relationships took time; God established it.
      >> I was looking at what I don’t have, rather than rejoicing with what I do have.<<

Since being back, I have been reflecting on the moment I was told I was returning to Cambodia to now. I was thrilled beyond belief, just in awe of the Lord’s favor, but I was also a bit sad because I had set my mind and heart on being in Guatemala longer. I went back and read my journal entry from the day I was told I was most likely going to stay in Guatemala, I wrote: “I know I’m called to Cambodia someday, but whatever the need is, I’m there. So I’m most likely staying through Class 12! I wasn’t holding onto Cambodia in October, nor should I hold onto this.” Unknowingly, I held onto it…

{Never hold onto so tightly or have your heart set so boldly on something, because circumstances change in an instant, but hold onto and have your heart set on the LORD, because He is unchanging.}

Cambodia was what I was waiting for so long, how in the world am I battling this?! …Because my heart was set on temporary things and not focused on God. “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” –Matthew 6:33.

God has given me such a beautiful GIFT…a FULFILLED PROMISE…

I shall not despise the season I am in. He has had the girls teams located in Phnom Penh for a reason and He has us here now for a reason. His ways are higher and He is continually directing my steps (Proverbs 16:9). I choose to be faithful with what He has given me in this beautiful season. I choose to be valiant, for one season has closed and another one has opened, one that is a testimony of God’s faithfulness and promises. It’s not going to be easy, but I will look up and press on.

·         Valiant: possessing or showing courage or determination.

 “I am strong and full of life. I am steadfast, no compromise. I lift my sails to the sky. I’m gonna catch the wnid, I’m gonna catch the wind. I am bold, no fear inside. Spread my wings, open my life, like an eagle, whose home is the sky. I’m gonna catch the wind, I’m gonna catch the wind. Your faithfulness will never let me down. I’m confident I’ll see Your goodness now. I know You hear my heart, I’m singing. There’s nothing that can stop Your goodness now…” –‘Catch the Wind’: Jonathan David and Melissa Helser

Even through my fleshly battle and selfishness, God loves me so much. He has shown me He cares about what is dear to my heart. He is continually showing me His goodness. Last week, I was able to go watch a soccer match that New Life Fellowship Khrang Thnong played in. They are the Eagle FC and they are family. It has been a year and a half since I’ve seen them and I was able to fellowship with them and watch them play. I was blessed immensely. The following morning at church, I had really wanted to worship to a powerful Khmer song by Life Band that is so dear to my heart from my field time. I asked God if we could sing it soon, not really thinking that it would be that day, and the closing song in the worship set was that very song…God loves me so much, that He chooses to bless me with things I care about even while I’m fleshly and selfish.

Upon arriving here, the Lord put a few verses on my heart that I believe will carry me through this season to come. One of these verses was the verse that the Lord used to speak to my teammate while we were on the field here nearly two years ago and I love so much that God gave it to me now. “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!” –Psalm 27:13-14 I know I will see His goodness here…I already have, He brought me back! I wait on the Lord in expectation and I’m excited to see what unfolds as I am here until He moves me elsewhere.

God IS showing me His goodness. I must believe I will see it each day in this land of the living.

Seeing family from my "hometown" here in Cambodia.
Such a surreal moment that I will treasure forever.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Reflection and Awe

Getting to see MudMan kick off.
As I look back, reflecting on the past year of my life and all that the Lord has done, I can't help but be in awe of Him. From a selfish heart, set on her own ways, going out for the wrong reasons, not rejoicing with others, & even little corrections in my character, to now being able to boldly say, >ONLY BY GOD< "I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy. 4:6-7
Serving in Antigua, Guatemala to R.A.
for IGNITE Class 10.
I am filled with utter {PEACE} as this beautiful season has come to a close. Although my heart is torn a little more as I left Antigua, Guatemala and the family I have there, I know with all my heart God's timing is perfect. I have seen Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." and Isaiah 55:8-9 "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." come to life, as God has taken this calling He's placed on my heart and stripped the Brittani from it.
Serving with this gang for the
next six months (and Brooke :))
Teaching English using the Bible in the
public school system.
I am •beyond• blessed to say, the waiting is no more, God's favor is amazing, and in a short eight days I will be returning to the Kingdom of Cambodia. But I really have not finished the race, I will be running with my eyes above the waves on my Savior, pressing on toward the upward call of God.

Being an R.A. for IGNITE Class 11 and adding to my family.
This season is done, a new one awaits with more struggles, more growth, and more victories. THANK YOU ALL, from the bottom of my heart for your constant prayers and support. GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES.
This is the team I get to run with. The boys come in a few months and us girls
come in about a week. I can't wait to come under the leadership already in
place there and lift her hands up. IGNITE Class 11, you are ready, God has
great things in store. A new season awaits us...