Continual Lessons & A Fulfilled Promise

Touring the Royal Palace with the beautiful IGNITE Class 11 Team
Cambodia girls and amazing Anna Scott. I'm so excited
to see what God has in store for us as a team!

I have been back in the Kingdom of Cambodia for two and a half weeks now! My soul is so overjoyed and full of peace! My flesh has been quite the opposite…sad and selfish. I have found myself full circle, experiencing the same things I experienced at the beginning of any new season, looking at what others have and other seasons in my life. I miss a lot of people from all over, I want to live in my home village of Khrang Thnong, and I miss the set role I had in Guatemala, which included relationships with the people (PFM and locals) and being able to speak the language…selfish. That role took time, the Spanish speaking took time, the relationships took time; God established it.

             

      >> I was looking at what I don’t have, rather than rejoicing with what I do have.<<

Since being back, I have been reflecting on the moment I was told I was returning to Cambodia to now. I was thrilled beyond belief, just in awe of the Lord’s favor, but I was also a bit sad because I had set my mind and heart on being in Guatemala longer. I went back and read my journal entry from the day I was told I was most likely going to stay in Guatemala, I wrote: “I know I’m called to Cambodia someday, but whatever the need is, I’m there. So I’m most likely staying through Class 12! I wasn’t holding onto Cambodia in October, nor should I hold onto this.” Unknowingly, I held onto it…

{Never hold onto so tightly or have your heart set so boldly on something, because circumstances change in an instant, but hold onto and have your heart set on the LORD, because He is unchanging.}

Cambodia was what I was waiting for so long, how in the world am I battling this?! …Because my heart was set on temporary things and not focused on God. “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” –Matthew 6:33.

God has given me such a beautiful GIFT…a FULFILLED PROMISE…

I shall not despise the season I am in. He has had the girls teams located in Phnom Penh for a reason and He has us here now for a reason. His ways are higher and He is continually directing my steps (Proverbs 16:9). I choose to be faithful with what He has given me in this beautiful season. I choose to be valiant, for one season has closed and another one has opened, one that is a testimony of God’s faithfulness and promises. It’s not going to be easy, but I will look up and press on.

·         Valiant: possessing or showing courage or determination.

 “I am strong and full of life. I am steadfast, no compromise. I lift my sails to the sky. I’m gonna catch the wnid, I’m gonna catch the wind. I am bold, no fear inside. Spread my wings, open my life, like an eagle, whose home is the sky. I’m gonna catch the wind, I’m gonna catch the wind. Your faithfulness will never let me down. I’m confident I’ll see Your goodness now. I know You hear my heart, I’m singing. There’s nothing that can stop Your goodness now…” –‘Catch the Wind’: Jonathan David and Melissa Helser

Even through my fleshly battle and selfishness, God loves me so much. He has shown me He cares about what is dear to my heart. He is continually showing me His goodness. Last week, I was able to go watch a soccer match that New Life Fellowship Khrang Thnong played in. They are the Eagle FC and they are family. It has been a year and a half since I’ve seen them and I was able to fellowship with them and watch them play. I was blessed immensely. The following morning at church, I had really wanted to worship to a powerful Khmer song by Life Band that is so dear to my heart from my field time. I asked God if we could sing it soon, not really thinking that it would be that day, and the closing song in the worship set was that very song…God loves me so much, that He chooses to bless me with things I care about even while I’m fleshly and selfish.

Upon arriving here, the Lord put a few verses on my heart that I believe will carry me through this season to come. One of these verses was the verse that the Lord used to speak to my teammate while we were on the field here nearly two years ago and I love so much that God gave it to me now. “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!” –Psalm 27:13-14 I know I will see His goodness here…I already have, He brought me back! I wait on the Lord in expectation and I’m excited to see what unfolds as I am here until He moves me elsewhere.

God IS showing me His goodness. I must believe I will see it each day in this land of the living.

Seeing family from my "hometown" here in Cambodia.
Such a surreal moment that I will treasure forever.

Reflection and Awe

Getting to see MudMan kick off.

 

As I look back, reflecting on the past year of my life and all that the Lord has done, I can't help but be in awe of Him. From a selfish heart, set on her own ways, going out for the wrong reasons, not rejoicing with others, & even little corrections in my character, to now being able to boldly say, >ONLY BY GOD< "I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy. 4:6-7

Serving in Antigua, Guatemala to R.A.
for IGNITE Class 10.

 

I am filled with utter {PEACE} as this beautiful season has come to a close. Although my heart is torn a little more as I left Antigua, Guatemala and the family I have there, I know with all my heart God's timing is perfect. I have seen Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." and Isaiah 55:8-9 "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." come to life, as God has taken this calling He's placed on my heart and stripped the Brittani from it.

 

Serving with this gang for the
next six months (and Brooke :))

Teaching English using the Bible in the
public school system.

I am •beyond• blessed to say, the waiting is no more, God's favor is amazing, and in a short eight days I will be returning to the Kingdom of Cambodia. But I really have not finished the race, I will be running with my eyes above the waves on my Savior, pressing on toward the upward call of God.



Being an R.A. for IGNITE Class 11 and adding to my family.

This season is done, a new one awaits with more struggles, more growth, and more victories. THANK YOU ALL, from the bottom of my heart for your constant prayers and support. GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES.
 

This is the team I get to run with. The boys come in a few months and us girls
come in about a week. I can't wait to come under the leadership already in
place there and lift her hands up. IGNITE Class 11, you are ready, God has
great things in store. A new season awaits us...

Breaking Point

Snap. What about rest…my gas tank is basically on E. Snap. I acted upon myself and what I needed... While Pastor Michael was here at the beginning of the week, he threw a pot on the wheel for the interns of IGNITE Class 11 and at the end, as he does at every presentation, he threw the pot in the garbage. That wrecked me. Something of such value to him, he tossed it in order to put the focus onto Jesus and off himself. I should do the same with the very things I hold onto, the calling, the things of value…I haven’t been rejoicing when others rejoice. So much pride and selfishness I have…

Running on my own strength, lost in this selfish pride, hearing these convictions, but only feeling freedom as the Lord led me to share my downfall and struggles with the group during devotions this morning. Breaking point… because my tank really was on E. As the devotion time closed and as one of my teammates came to pray with me, God put Isaiah 58 on my heart. So I went out, alone, to read and sit in the Lord’s presence, desperate for revival. Verse six of Isaiah 58 reads, “Is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke?” And the rest of the chapter was exactly what I needed to hear, along with a few other sections of scriptures that people pointed me to.

Specifically Psalm 63:3-5, “Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.” And Psalm 69:15-16, “Let not the floodwater overflow me, nor let the deep swallow me up; and let not the pit shut its mouth on me. Hear me, O Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good; turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.”

Shortly that wonderful time with the Lord reviving me, I was given a very encouraging note from one of the IGNITE Class 11 girls in my room. And more verses were shared with me from another teammate in Proverbs 28:13-14, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. Happy is the man who is always reverent, but he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity."

Openness brings forth grace and a softened heart…I am so blessed and loved, not only by the Lord, but by those around me. I am set free. Jesus be the center of my life…

"The LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your soul in
drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered
garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
-Isaiah 58:11

No Room For a Selfish, Stagnant Heart

“’I will stretch out My hand against Judah, and against all the inhabitants of Jerusalem…Those who have turned back from following the Lord, and have not sought the Lord, nor inquired of Him.’” -Zephaniah 1:4a, 6

“This they shall have for their pride, because they have reproached and made arrogant threats against the people of the Lord of hosts. The Lord will be awesome to them, for He will reduce to nothing all the gods of the earth; people shall worship Him, each one from his place, indeed all the shores of the nations.” -Zephaniah 2:10-11

“She has not obeyed His voice, she has not received correction; she has not trusted in the Lord, she has not drawn near to her God…The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.’” -Zephaniah 3:2, 17

 
Before you get all confused, let me give you some background on my walk with the Lord lately. Dry, sluggish, a checklist… On Sunday May 22^nd, we had a guest Pastor who knows Krav Maga, Tae-Kwon-Do, and one other thing I can’t remember the name of. He taught a lesson on the Armor of God in Ephesians 6. He also did some demonstrations using the skills he has to illustrate really how the enemy attacks and the importance of having the Armor on. It really shook me and reminded me of the true battle I am fighting and that I cannot be lazy…

Later on, that fine afternoon, I actually chose to use my time wisely, and sat down with the Lord and began my devotions for that day in Zephaniah. The latter part of verse six is what really struck me, “have not sought the Lord, nor inquired of Him.” To inquire of can mean to ask for information from someone or to investigate or look into something. My time with the Lord has become a checklist. I haven’t been digging deeper into what I’ve been reading. I’ve had lack of diligence and well, I’ve been down-right sluggish.

Slug-gish: slow-moving, inactive, lacking energy or alertness, slow to respond or make progress…stagnant

Lately, I’ve been finding myself ALWAYS tired. Being human, my immediate thought is more sleep, whether it be going to bed earlier or sleeping in a bit later…or both. I have been putting my fleshly desires before the Lord, with my sleep. I believe I’m always tired, because I’ve stopped really seeking God and inquiring of Him.

The next morning, getting up earlier than I have been, I read chapter two. God is so faithful to answer my prayers and lately it has been rather immediate. He first showed me that I haven’t been digging deep. He then showed me, through the second chapter, how prideful I have been and my actions because of it. The end of verse ten speaks of arrogant threats. I have not made any of those, but through that, the Lord brought to mind my speech towards others and even my thoughts. Things like, “you can ask me questions too you know,” or “why didn’t they call and ask me?” Me, me, me…IT’S. NOT. ABOUT. ME. Nor is it about any title. I’m prideful. Verse eleven goes on to speak of the Lord “reducing to nothing all the gods of the earth”. The god I am worshipping right now is me. From neglecting in my devotions, to fulfilling my fleshly desires, to my pride. But, “the Lord will be awesome to me”. I need to fear Him in reverence. He is infinite and I am finite. It’s because of my lack of time with Him that I have allowed my pride and my flesh to reign. Going to the root, that’s it, lack of time with Him, which ultimately leads to my heart. The heart of the problem is a problem of the heart.

But wait, there’s more. The following morning, I jumped into chapter three. Verse two, tied it all together for me. By not allowing myself to draw near to God, I’m not obeying Him, nor am I trusting Him. And I’m not receiving correction, because, well, I’m not really listening to Him. Yet, what is so wonderful, is what the Lord says in verse seventeen, “The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.’” The Lord chastened me; wrecked me, but blessings come through Jesus Christ, who is the cause for praise and singing. He quiets me, humbles me, with His love…despite my sluggish, prideful walk lately, He loves me more than I can fathom…

Practically, I have been waking up earlier and spending more time with the Lord, reading slower, and praying for His wisdom and guidance. Recently, I felt led by the Spirit to message those dear to my heart who I haven’t had a chance to really keep in touch with and see how they’ve been doing and how I could be praying for them. I desire to do that with many other people I love. Doing it, really opened my eyes to the Lord’s working on each of their lives and it took my eyes off myself, which really blessed me. My day was filled with communion with Him and interceding for others, I felt refreshed and restored and a lot closer to God.

At the end of the day, if I’m not looking at God, I’m looking at something else and my motives will become distorted and wrong. Thank You, Jesus, for chastening me and tilting my head back up towards You and heaven.

Lord, forgive my stagnancy and pride. I look to You and I long
to press on down the path You've called me to. Thank You for
Your infinite love.

Rejoice in This Divine Romance

“’I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.” -Hosea 2:19-20

Almost two years ago during my training in IGNITE, we had to make blogs to share our IBS’s on, and I called my blog “Rejoice in this Divine Romance”, the very blog you are reading off of today. At that time, I really just picked that title because I liked that Phil Wickham song and I knew the Lord loved me, but the depth and reality of this specific love, this divine romance, hasn’t sunk in until now…

It was Wednesday April 20^th, 2016, the day before I left to return to Guatemala. Whitefish locals and Potter’s Field staff were attending church service at Selah Fellowship. Before the service began, the congregation was lifting up their voices to the King. “Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You’re my God…”. “You’re a good, good Father…”. It was all a picture of pointing it back to Him; lost in His presence.

Pastor Steve Miller went into teaching in John chapter one. Everything points back to Christ. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.” -John 1:14 We should celebrate this life, this eternity that Christ has given us. Everything points back to Christ.

The service was closed with a time of Communion. “…do this in remembrance of Me.’” (Luke 22:19) Everything points back to Christ. While everyone had a time to reflect, remember, and surrender, the worship team was singing “Carried to the Table”. Some of the lyrics sing, “Summoned by the King, into the Master’s courts. Lifted by the Savior and cradled in His arms. I was carried to the table, seated where I don’t belong. Carried to the table, swept away by His love.” In the midst of praying and listening, I had a picture of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, lifting up my chin, taking my hand, and dancing with me…

I wasn’t sure why the Lord gave me this image, but it was intimate. A few days later when I read Hosea chapter two, I understood. The Lord has betrothed me to Him. God gives me the most sacred and firm security imaginable and loves me, protects me, and provides for me in a much deeper way than I can ever fully comprehend. He has bound me to Him, I am His beloved. I need to view Him the same way, as my Beloved…

So, “for You I sing, I dance. Rejoice in this divine romance…”



Photo Credit: Emily Czadrick-Spicer
Photo of: Sara Halstead

A Pilgrim

If I didn't move around, I wouldn't be here {again} witnessing interns lead
Guatemalan children in worship. "Santo, santo, santo, yo quiero verte".

            As I cozied down in my spot for my morning devotion and soaked in the glow of the sun, my mind was flooded with a ton of thoughts…realizations. I haven’t lived in a consistent place since July 2014, I’m always missing someone everywhere I go, and it takes a lot of faith to move around so much not knowing what’s fully next. These were all things I already knew, but it just hit me in a different way today, in a bad way, ways that brought me down instead of having confidence in the Lord. It was heavy and quite awful…BUT GOD.

            I began reading in Jeremiah chapter 48 and several verses stood out to me, they are slightly random, but God used them. “For because you have trusted in your works and your treasures, you also shall be taken. And Chemosh shall go forth into captivity, His priests and his princes together. … Cursed is he who does the work of the Lord deceitfully, and cursed is he who keeps back his sword from blood. … And Moab shall be destroyed as a people, because he exalted himself against the Lord." –Jeremiah 48:7, 10, 42

            I wrote: Brittani, why are you flooded with this fear and sadness all of a sudden? Yes, you miss your family and friends in Colorado, Cambodia, and Montana. Yes, you haven’t lived in a consistent home since July 2014. But you’re a pilgrim, homesick for God’s heavenly Kingdom (Hebrews 11:16). Let Him be your comfort. Don’t trust in your works or treasures, temporary things, trust in the Lord your God. Go forth in the work He has for you, faithfully, not deceitfully and on your own strength. He is calling you, do you trust Him in everything? You have the one step ahead of you (Psalm 119:105) and that’s all He will give you right now. Let nothing move you so you can finish your race and testify to the gospel of the grace of God (Acts 20:24). Yes, you’re jumping around, but that’s what He’s called you to do. Stay faithful! And how sweet is it that you do have your heart in so many places and that the Lord has allowed you to build so many relationships? Never get ahead of yourself, don’t let your flesh gain control, because you will exalt yourself before the Lord. I don’t desire to do that, the glory is and always will be the Lord’s.

            God even used some dear friends to speak to me and I don’t think they realized it, but that’s how you know it’s the Lord. They said (paraphrased), “you know there is always someone out there who is wishing they were doing what you were doing and vice versa.” And, “yeah and no one’s calling is greater.” Those things I already knew, but it just put things into perspective for me. I really am just a pilgrim making it to my heavenly home, I don’t need a consistent “home” here, Jesus is my home, my shelter, my center, and that’s all that should matter. The fact that He is calling me to do what I’m doing is amazing and I am not equipped, but God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

If I didn't move around, I would've never met Emily (right) in Montana and little did I know
she would be here in Guat. If I didn't move around, I would've never met Sara (middle) here
in Guat and I would've never had this sweet sisterhood with them.

Let It Go

I drink out of this cup almost daily. May I remember to
"Let it go" and to let God.

       “Perhaps some future day, Lord, Thy strong hand will lead me to the place where I must stand utterly alone. Alone, O gracious Lover, but for Thee; I shall be satisfied if I can see Jesus only. I do not know Thy plan for years to come, my spirit finds in Thee its perfect home, sufficiency. Lord, all my desire before Thee now, lead on, no matter where, no matter how – I trust in Thee.” –Elisabeth Elliot; The Path of Loneliness  

As I sat in the garden this morning with an overwhelmed heart and the wind blowing rather roughly, I just cried out to God. Lord, I need You. I read in Jeremiah chapter 19 the beginning of verse 4, “Because they have forsaken Me and made this an alien place, because they have burned incense in it to other gods…” I have an idol in my life that I can’t seem to shake. I give it to God and pick it right back up again or I give it to God and hold one piece back, I believe because of fear. And that’s not trusting the Lord. It’s also hindering me from being the Lord’s entirely. I’ve allowed something to hinder me from FULLY singing, “the cross before me, the world behind me” or “you can have all this world, but give me Jesus”…I am called to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus (Matthew 16:24). Deny myself includes this world, my desires, my burdens, ALL of me.

 

As I recall my time in training during IGNITE and read back on my blog from September 18^th, 2014 on Philippians 3:11, dying-to-self daily, moment to moment was the key thing. It still is and always will be. I’m learning it all over again, just in a different way. Oh and did I mention the theme for this week for the interns is contentment? God knows 100% what He’s doing and I needed a wakeup call.

I also read this today from Frances J. Roberts; Come Away My Beloved…And Rest “O my Father, I would pour out my soul unto Thee. I am unworthy of all Thy benefits and dull of hearing. Thy teachings I treasure, and to be instructed of Thee is my desire, but I sit too seldom at Thy feet, and my heart is too often occupied with other affairs. Thy Spirit oft would settle as a dove upon my shoulder, but my activity affords Him no quiet resting place. Inspiration Thou wouldst bring to me, but my thoughts are preoccupied with the cares of this life. Deliver me from the snare of the fowler…from any contrivance of circumstances that would seek to destroy the ministry of the dove of peace in my heart. Give to me a quiet, meditative spirit that will provide fertile soil for the propagation of Thy Truth. Let me be open to an encounter with Thee at all times. Separate from me all that is evil, and let me cling steadfastly to all that is good. Be my instructor; be my guide, and withhold not Thy rod of correction when Thou discernest that I have need of rebuke. My hope is in Thee, for I am unable to order my own steps wisely, neither can I escape the pitfalls except Thy Spirit protect me and keep me. I will trust in Thee. I will lean my entire weight upon Thee. I will reckon on Thy mercy and depend upon Thy power.”

          That is exactly what is going on, I received rebuke, and may this (all that has been said) be my prayer. “Holy fire burn away my desire for anything that is not of You and is of me, I want more of You and less of me…” The quote from Elisabeth Elliot is in my wardrobe, but I never read it…my application is to read it every time I open my wardrobe, pray for total surrender, and walk out 1 Corinthians 15:58, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.”

Higher Than My Ways

Adventures in the streets of Antigua.

 

It’s has been about two and a half months since I have written. Normally that probably isn’t good, but in this case it is, because God has taught me a lesson in it. Once God showed me that obedience is greater than sacrifice, I was such on high from that hard but eye opening lesson, that I was expecting Him to show me something in the same capacity. But that’s not how God always chooses to speak, He was showing me to continue to walk out what He had just taught me and to stay faithful and obedient in reading His word. –What an important lesson that is too. And even when I felt dry or was afraid that God “wasn’t going to speak to me” (which is a lie, because He always speaks), He was faithful to show me something. God is good.

Well, now I am in Guatemala and have been for two weeks. Once I had truly let go of where God was going to have me and just be obedient to where I was at the time, I was told I was going to be going to Guatemala in January to be an R.A. And boy, do I see God’s hand on this situation; it has definitely been His leading. My first morning back in this beautiful place was a wonderful moment with the Lord as I sat in the same spot I did in July through early October of 2014. He was bringing to memory the growth that took place in my heart here because of Him. As we were at Kid’s Club yesterday, I felt like I was outside of myself just looking onto the situation in awe. I can’t really explain it, it was simply the Lord. I was flooded with wonder by all that the Lord has done and brought me to. I never would’ve thought I would be in Antigua, Guatemala again. Yet, here I am and it is so sweet to reconnect with those I grew to love and to meet and add many others to this big family the Lord has blessed me with.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” These verses mean so much to me in this season. As I reflect where I was after IGNITE and my mind being set on one way, I see that He has stripped me of that. I wanted to return to Cambodia in September of 2015, Montana definitely was not on my radar and Guatemala I didn’t really consider an option. Yet, He led me to Montana and has now brought me to Guatemala. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I still believe God is ultimately leading me to Cambodia, but I’m not holding onto it as I was before. I trust in God and that promise, but I am all here and I want to be all in every place He brings me to. His ways are truly higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts. And even as I am here, helping lead IGNITE Class 10, I must remember these two verses as I plan or desire certain things to happen, because His way is going to happen here (and anywhere) no matter what. My expectations are in You, Lord; may everything I do come from You and be for Your glory.

My fellow girl R.A.s, Sara and Emily.
~ From IGNITE Classes 6, 7, & 8 ~