Same, Same, but Different

Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

The best send off I've ever had from my wonderful Khmer family.

I read this very same verse and chapter on March 31^st while I was still in Cambodia. I had already read my daily reading, so He took me to Psalm 31. We had about a week left on the field and I just needed His comfort. Little did I know, I would be reading this very chapter in my daily reading and in a similar position now as I was then. Now, I have about a week left until I go to Montana. Same, same, but different. I would say the emotions were on a much higher level in Cambodia than they are now, because then I had no idea if I would ever see the people again (on earth). But my family is here and friends that I’ve had almost my whole life…my roots are here. Lord willing, I will see everyone here again (laying aside the fact I should be back for Christmas); it’s not as emotional as leaving Cambodia. Yet, it is still very difficult for me. Every time I leave a place where my heart is at, it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. Yesterday, when I read this chapter, I was letting my emotions take the lead, instead of my hope in the Lord. I’m just in awe of Him and how He works. The fact that I read the very same chapter in a similar situation, just at different times is incredible. He knew I needed to be reminded of what He showed me those many months ago. I must be of good courage and hope in the Lord and He will strengthen my heart. The Lord IS my strength and hope! I am so grateful for learning this lesson again and as I leave and begin this new journey I will look to the Lord, because He is my everything. 

A rockin' goodbye party from these cool cats I call family, which
included a piñata! ;)



A Stepping Stone

Once the Lord placed it on my heart to return to Cambodia, I began to take steps as to how and when that would be. I contacted Potter’s Field and communicated with them. I was told I needed to come to Montana first to get a fuller understanding of the ministry, which is wise and understandable. I wasn’t a big fan of this idea at first. I just wanted to hurry up and go to Cambodia. I didn’t want any delays…all selfish thinking. As I sought the Lord, He softened my heart and showed me that Montana is a step I need to take before returning to Cambodia. He reminded me of Paul in the book of Acts. The Lord had many stops for Paul, all of which He grew him and had many lessons for him, before bringing him to Rome. I already see a lesson in this and I’m not even there yet: Montana will not be the same without my IGNITE class, it won’t be the same with what I am doing or how I am going to live. And Cambodia will not be the same without the team I had, I won’t be living in the same location, the tasks will be different, I will be surrounded by different people, and I will be in a different position. Besides the fact of needing to learn more about PFM, I don’t think I would be able to handle such differences if I just went straight to Cambodia. That’s a lesson I need to learn beforehand. The Lord knows exactly what I need to grow in. Montana is a stepping stone towards where the Lord is leading me.

Through all of this, if I ever doubted this is where the Lord is leading (Montana, Cambodia, and all), He has shown me otherwise. I was blessed with a letter and a donation from an anonymous friend. I was able to speak to my Pastor, receive his support, and be able to share at all four of the services to gain awareness, prayer, and potentially financial support. I had a table with more information and pictures and even proceeds from the café went to me. The support that I got just from that weekend was incredible! The Lord is using others and bringing support in ways that just continuously blow my mind and bring me to tears of joy! Although I am sad to leave Colorado, I am ready to begin this new journey! I know the Lord is going to continue to work on my heart as I head out to Montana and I am excited for the lessons He is going to have for me and the preparation for what’s to come later. I leave for Montana September 8^th and I return to Colorado December 22^nd for Christmas with my family. Returning to Cambodia is still unknown, but God will reveal that in His perfect timing!

The information table I was able to put together with tools and resources the Lord allowed me to have.

“But I Trust in the Lord That I Myself Shall Also Come Shortly”

Friday June 12^th, 2015

“Then David and all Israel played music before God with all their might, with singing, on harps, on stringed instruments, on tambourines, on cymbals, and with trumpets.”  -1 Chronicles 13:8

“Now Hiram king of Tyre sent messengers to David, and cedar trees, with masons and carpenters, to build him a house. So David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel, for his kingdom was highly exalted for the sake of His people Israel.” -1 Chronicles 14:1-2

“Therefore I hope to send him at once, as soon as I see how it goes with me. But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.” –Philippians 2:23-24

         I am speechless right now. Worship, the very thing we can give God, because He is so worthy. Upon reading verse eight of 1 Chronicles 13, my mind flashed to April 1^st, 2015, our last Bible class in Khrang Thnong. The children’s voices danced in my mind as they lifted up praises to their King in the Khmer language. “Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Krrow be kdeye srah line drohng, knong kdeye srah line drohng…” No place I’d rather be, than here in Your love…They were worshipping in such a genuine way and with all their hearts. Beautiful. 1 Chronicles 14 seemed to have a lot on confirmation. The Lord used King Hiram to send messengers to David and he knew he was to be king over Israel. David inquired of God later on and He spoke. The Lord always speaks, whether it be yes, no, or wait. Right now I’m in that grapple of a waiting period and the struggle is real. But it is for a reason, everything is for a reason. God is growing me in faith and trust and even so, through my faithlessness He is faithful (“If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.” -2 Timothy 2:13)! Wow. Yet, the Lord is speaking through this wait, even in those chapters I read today (“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” –Hebrews 4:12). Which leads me to Philippians chapter two, which is a fantastic chapter all around, but what really got me was verse 24 (“But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.”). There’s a rockin’ team in Cambodia already. -Paul sent Timothy to Philippi. Now, I am no Paul, I am nothing, I am of no use to God, yet He desires to use me and I desire to follow His call (“Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ Then I said, ‘Here am I! Send me.’” –Isaiah 6:8)! Verses 24 in Philippians 2 leads me to believe I am to go back to Cambodia. As I read it, I was flooded with comfort…I in no way have the finances to go back, but I trust God. He will provide in His time. I need not worry. He is in control. It’s crazy how these three verses are so different, yet the Lord linked them together so nicely! He brought to memory a very intimate point while on the field (1 Chronicles 13:8). He led me to see an act of confirmation and seeking of the Lord (1 Chronicles 14:1-2). And He brought me to this statement in Philippians 2 that I believe, was entirely for me to hear… “But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.”

        Through this, I am learning to stay in the here and now. After all, I am not guaranteed tomorrow and as long as I am on this earth, I just desire to do His will (“whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’” –James 4:14-15). I am breathing because of Him. I am learning to also pray specifically. Praying in such a way, according to the will of God of course, leaves no room for me to possibly take credit/glory for what is the work of God. It is His work all along, but I don’t want any possible way for me to think I have a hand in anything. But even through my foolish prayers, which prayer is the very thing I can do…the Spirit intercedes for me and that blows my mind (“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” –Romans 8:26-27)!

So I know what the Lord has placed on my heart and I know what He has spoken thus far, but today… I don’t know the timing of my return to Cambodia, but I trust in Him and His perfect timing! Lord I believe, help my unbelief. In the meantime, I want to daily seek to follow as the Spirit leads.

 

What I just shared with you is something the Lord spoke to me almost two months ago. I waited to share, because I didn't think it was the right time to share. To this day, August 5th, 2015, I still do not know my return to Cambodia. But the Lord is guiding in my next steps, which I know will lead to Cambodia. I need a lot of growing before I return...in ways that I don't even know yet. I will be sharing soon on what has come about and the journey I am about to embark on...Stay tuned! :)