LOCKDOWN.
Every country does lockdowns differently. In Cambodia it's nighttime curfews, to a 2 week lockdown, to an extension of that lockdown, which really means it's indefinite. Getting your hopes up for the day they said it would be open again only to see the lockdown extended. Yellow, Orange, and Red Zones, different levels of lockdown based on the level of Covid-19 outbreak in that area.
Feeling a year behind the rest of the world, but Cambodia is just now having a major outbreak, so in lockdown we go, living in a virtual world. I am thankful for this virtual world, but this is still a pretty trying time...
Far from the States and my family. No problem, I'm used to that (still hard though, I miss them dearly) ...but not when I have to be in survival mode. Unlike last year when my house was filled with small gatherings at least 3 times a week, this year I see no one, not even my fiancé. Thankfully I have my roommates, but even then, they are both introverted, so I don't see them throughout the day a lot either.
Fear. All I feel is fear all around. Oh, for such a time of this to be the light of Jesus and let Him be peace for the people.
In this state of being uncomfortable, alone (but not alone because I have God,) and wanting to go a little crazy because my extroverted self needs some human contact, I am seeing Jehovah Jireh provide for me. I am seeing Him bringing me back to my first love. He is, after all, the only one who can comfort, satisfy, and love me in the way that I need, the One who loves and knows me the most, even more than I know myself.
I've been slowed down. Pulled out and "alone" to be reminded, He is all I need.
"Be still, Brittani," I hear the Lord saying, "and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with you; the God of Jacob is your refuge. Selah" (Psalm 46:10-11 personalized with my name & you/your instead of us/our)
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| The balcony of my house. My new favorite spot to spend time with Jesus. |
As I'm relearning to be still and know that He is God, I've seen myself go deeper with the King of my heart, cling to the hope of His Word, and spend immense amounts of times with Him. I even went back to writing in my journal. These writing have turned into the pouring out of my heart and prayers. I used to write like this all time time, but I had stopped for awhile. I believe this has to do with the location I chose to do my devotions. My fiancé encouraged me to sit outside on the balcony so I could get a taste of a little bit of nature with the birds chirping, butterflies fluttering, blue skies, white puffy clouds, and beautiful Cambodian sunsets. I didn't realize how much I needed it and needed to change my atmosphere so I could really learn to be still with my Lord.
