Thankful for Such a Time as This

I sit here in my living room, sipping on a cream soda, reflecting on all that the Lord has done. When I returned to Colorado in May, my emotions were on a high. I was happy to see my family and friends, but I was sadder because I had just left my Khmer family and my IGNITE class. I honestly didn’t want to be back. Besides the fact of my family and friends and completing the IGNITE program, my thoughts were, “I have nothing keeping me here.” Yet, I knew the Lord was going to have me here for a season. And what a wonderful, blessed season it has been!

It started off really difficult, I was just kind of on my own and in another waiting period. I was frustrated and I felt like I didn’t have a place here. As time went on, I was given more and more tasks and I was getting plugged in at church again. The Lord was changing my heart, teaching me lessons, and using me in ways that I still don’t understand.

Photo Credit: Natalie Garrett

As what I was tasked with began to unfold for the summer, I fell in love with the ministry and the people I have had the honor of serving alongside (putting aside the fact that they were already my friends). The Lord put me through situations, testing my trust in Him with my family (again).

It’s beautiful that the Lord reminds me time and time again, that it isn’t me, but all Him, and I must trust Him! God surrounded me with friends and mentors, old and new; brothers and sisters in Christ, that encouraged and blessed me this whole season. And I pray, despite new seasons beginning for all of us, that we can stay connected in such a way as this, although I know it will be different. I am just blessed to know that it’s Christ that connects us.

We ended our summer with cliff jumping at Paradise Cove and a bonfire. As we were seated around the fire, snacking on pizza and watermelon, guitars strummed, voices sang to our Creator, and I couldn’t help but bask in the moment. Mesmerized by the flames, I thought, “I am thankful for such a time as this.” A time that I am never going to get back. It may be manifested in a different way in the future, but it will never be the same. And I was taken back to the closing season in Cambodia, when I realized that same thing. As I continue on this journey the Lord has for me, each season has its gifts.  I see now, in those moments when time slows down and you’re surrounded by those you call family, you can’t take it back, you can’t recreate it, you can just seek the Lord and rejoice in it. Eucharisteo.

Same, Same, but Different

Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

The best send off I've ever had from my wonderful Khmer family.

I read this very same verse and chapter on March 31^st while I was still in Cambodia. I had already read my daily reading, so He took me to Psalm 31. We had about a week left on the field and I just needed His comfort. Little did I know, I would be reading this very chapter in my daily reading and in a similar position now as I was then. Now, I have about a week left until I go to Montana. Same, same, but different. I would say the emotions were on a much higher level in Cambodia than they are now, because then I had no idea if I would ever see the people again (on earth). But my family is here and friends that I’ve had almost my whole life…my roots are here. Lord willing, I will see everyone here again (laying aside the fact I should be back for Christmas); it’s not as emotional as leaving Cambodia. Yet, it is still very difficult for me. Every time I leave a place where my heart is at, it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. Yesterday, when I read this chapter, I was letting my emotions take the lead, instead of my hope in the Lord. I’m just in awe of Him and how He works. The fact that I read the very same chapter in a similar situation, just at different times is incredible. He knew I needed to be reminded of what He showed me those many months ago. I must be of good courage and hope in the Lord and He will strengthen my heart. The Lord IS my strength and hope! I am so grateful for learning this lesson again and as I leave and begin this new journey I will look to the Lord, because He is my everything. 

A rockin' goodbye party from these cool cats I call family, which
included a piñata! ;)



A Stepping Stone

Once the Lord placed it on my heart to return to Cambodia, I began to take steps as to how and when that would be. I contacted Potter’s Field and communicated with them. I was told I needed to come to Montana first to get a fuller understanding of the ministry, which is wise and understandable. I wasn’t a big fan of this idea at first. I just wanted to hurry up and go to Cambodia. I didn’t want any delays…all selfish thinking. As I sought the Lord, He softened my heart and showed me that Montana is a step I need to take before returning to Cambodia. He reminded me of Paul in the book of Acts. The Lord had many stops for Paul, all of which He grew him and had many lessons for him, before bringing him to Rome. I already see a lesson in this and I’m not even there yet: Montana will not be the same without my IGNITE class, it won’t be the same with what I am doing or how I am going to live. And Cambodia will not be the same without the team I had, I won’t be living in the same location, the tasks will be different, I will be surrounded by different people, and I will be in a different position. Besides the fact of needing to learn more about PFM, I don’t think I would be able to handle such differences if I just went straight to Cambodia. That’s a lesson I need to learn beforehand. The Lord knows exactly what I need to grow in. Montana is a stepping stone towards where the Lord is leading me.

Through all of this, if I ever doubted this is where the Lord is leading (Montana, Cambodia, and all), He has shown me otherwise. I was blessed with a letter and a donation from an anonymous friend. I was able to speak to my Pastor, receive his support, and be able to share at all four of the services to gain awareness, prayer, and potentially financial support. I had a table with more information and pictures and even proceeds from the café went to me. The support that I got just from that weekend was incredible! The Lord is using others and bringing support in ways that just continuously blow my mind and bring me to tears of joy! Although I am sad to leave Colorado, I am ready to begin this new journey! I know the Lord is going to continue to work on my heart as I head out to Montana and I am excited for the lessons He is going to have for me and the preparation for what’s to come later. I leave for Montana September 8^th and I return to Colorado December 22^nd for Christmas with my family. Returning to Cambodia is still unknown, but God will reveal that in His perfect timing!

The information table I was able to put together with tools and resources the Lord allowed me to have.

“But I Trust in the Lord That I Myself Shall Also Come Shortly”

Friday June 12^th, 2015

“Then David and all Israel played music before God with all their might, with singing, on harps, on stringed instruments, on tambourines, on cymbals, and with trumpets.”  -1 Chronicles 13:8

“Now Hiram king of Tyre sent messengers to David, and cedar trees, with masons and carpenters, to build him a house. So David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel, for his kingdom was highly exalted for the sake of His people Israel.” -1 Chronicles 14:1-2

“Therefore I hope to send him at once, as soon as I see how it goes with me. But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.” –Philippians 2:23-24

         I am speechless right now. Worship, the very thing we can give God, because He is so worthy. Upon reading verse eight of 1 Chronicles 13, my mind flashed to April 1^st, 2015, our last Bible class in Khrang Thnong. The children’s voices danced in my mind as they lifted up praises to their King in the Khmer language. “Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Krrow be kdeye srah line drohng, knong kdeye srah line drohng…” No place I’d rather be, than here in Your love…They were worshipping in such a genuine way and with all their hearts. Beautiful. 1 Chronicles 14 seemed to have a lot on confirmation. The Lord used King Hiram to send messengers to David and he knew he was to be king over Israel. David inquired of God later on and He spoke. The Lord always speaks, whether it be yes, no, or wait. Right now I’m in that grapple of a waiting period and the struggle is real. But it is for a reason, everything is for a reason. God is growing me in faith and trust and even so, through my faithlessness He is faithful (“If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.” -2 Timothy 2:13)! Wow. Yet, the Lord is speaking through this wait, even in those chapters I read today (“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” –Hebrews 4:12). Which leads me to Philippians chapter two, which is a fantastic chapter all around, but what really got me was verse 24 (“But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.”). There’s a rockin’ team in Cambodia already. -Paul sent Timothy to Philippi. Now, I am no Paul, I am nothing, I am of no use to God, yet He desires to use me and I desire to follow His call (“Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ Then I said, ‘Here am I! Send me.’” –Isaiah 6:8)! Verses 24 in Philippians 2 leads me to believe I am to go back to Cambodia. As I read it, I was flooded with comfort…I in no way have the finances to go back, but I trust God. He will provide in His time. I need not worry. He is in control. It’s crazy how these three verses are so different, yet the Lord linked them together so nicely! He brought to memory a very intimate point while on the field (1 Chronicles 13:8). He led me to see an act of confirmation and seeking of the Lord (1 Chronicles 14:1-2). And He brought me to this statement in Philippians 2 that I believe, was entirely for me to hear… “But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.”

        Through this, I am learning to stay in the here and now. After all, I am not guaranteed tomorrow and as long as I am on this earth, I just desire to do His will (“whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’” –James 4:14-15). I am breathing because of Him. I am learning to also pray specifically. Praying in such a way, according to the will of God of course, leaves no room for me to possibly take credit/glory for what is the work of God. It is His work all along, but I don’t want any possible way for me to think I have a hand in anything. But even through my foolish prayers, which prayer is the very thing I can do…the Spirit intercedes for me and that blows my mind (“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” –Romans 8:26-27)!

So I know what the Lord has placed on my heart and I know what He has spoken thus far, but today… I don’t know the timing of my return to Cambodia, but I trust in Him and His perfect timing! Lord I believe, help my unbelief. In the meantime, I want to daily seek to follow as the Spirit leads.

 

What I just shared with you is something the Lord spoke to me almost two months ago. I waited to share, because I didn't think it was the right time to share. To this day, August 5th, 2015, I still do not know my return to Cambodia. But the Lord is guiding in my next steps, which I know will lead to Cambodia. I need a lot of growing before I return...in ways that I don't even know yet. I will be sharing soon on what has come about and the journey I am about to embark on...Stay tuned! :)

An Ambassador for Christ

 “Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.” -2 Corinthians 5:20

This world is a dark place and we are in a battle, but the war is already won, we are fighting through the victory not for it. It has been hard being home. I miss my class, I miss White Girls Yum Bye, and I long for Cambodia and the kids’ hugs and my family there. It is a constant feeling of pressure coming from all sides…like walls are closing in on me…like I’m walking against a strong wind or swimming upstream. It’s a fight for a breath of fresh air. But God’s word says, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matthew 7:13-14). Things are going to be hard. This season is a hard one for me…but this verse, 2 Corinthians 5:20 came up in my devotions a few days ago and I couldn’t help but think ‘no wonder I’m uncomfortable, it’s because I’m not home’...and we aren’t called to be comfortable in this crazy life.
 

            The definition of an ambassador is an accredited diplomat sent by a country as its official representative to a foreign country or a person who acts as a representative or promoter of a specified activity. I am an ambassador for Christ. Let me say that again…an AMBASSADOR for CHRIST. I am a foreigner to this land. This land being this world; earth. My true home is with my King in heaven. Everywhere I go is a mission field and just another opportunity to point people to Jesus. Souls are getting lost every day without the knowledge of the one true Savior. I don’t know about you, but that hurts my heart. I have been blessed with the knowledge of my Savior, so now I must go forth and tell the world about Him. I am His representative, my life must scream Jesus. He desires a relationship with each one of us and it takes those to inform and you to decide if you want that relationship. “I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back.” I am wrecked for Jesus, but in the best way possible. This season of my life may be difficult, but I need to focus on those around me that need to know Jesus.

Jesus first, others second, myself last.

Remember

1 Samuel 7:12 “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’”

      My time in Cambodia was nothing that I expected, but that’s because God’s way is higher than mine and I wouldn’t have it any other way. That moment in my life was a gift, it was a pearl. I won’t have a time ever again as I did there, but now I go forth with this Ebenezer stone (“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’” -1 Samuel 7:12), a stone of remembrance, and continue living on doing what it is the Lord desires for my life. I am simply a vessel and nothing more. The work is continuing on in Cambodia and it’s only the beginning.

Re-entry was a blessing to meet up with my fellow classmates, but the Lord has me back in Colorado now. I don’t know what’s next, but I do know I am here for a reason, so I will be all here. I’m excited to see what He does in these next two months in and through me. And as I continue on, I will collect my Ebenezer stones and remember that the Lord has helped me thus far.

 

Week 25 IBS Psalm 31:24 ~Hope~

April 3^rd, 2015

Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

            On March 31^st, I had a terrible evening, not physically, but emotionally. I felt super annoyed and angry and upset, that I wanted to cry, but I just couldn’t. I just wanted people to stop talking about us leaving. I wanted everyone to just freeze and let it be. Can’t we just live and when it comes to the day we leave we can talk about it then? Well that’s reality…we are leaving and of course people are going to talk about it. It just hurts sometimes. That night, I decided to read Psalm 31 and I was immediately brought to tears…tears of joy. God used that entire chapter that night to speak to me. I was letting my emotions drive me rather than the Lord drive me. I am a sinner and I am broken, but He is my rock, and my everything, I must hope in Him. I am saved by His grace, I need to be thinking of that and of Him and be rejoicing in Him. “I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, for you have considered my trouble; you have known my soul in adversities” (Psalm 31:7).

            God knows. He knows exactly what I’m going through and how I feel. But I cannot be driven by emotions. It’s not about emotion, or the people, or the relationships, or even the ministry, it’s about God and furthering His Kingdom. The people I meet and the relationships I make along the way are just the blessings God gives me. Which is amazing, but it all is ultimately Him. Not only should my hope be in the Lord, but my hope IS THE LORD. So anytime I feel my emotions taking over and driving my attitude, I will pray. I need to remember to be of good courage, because He strengthens me, He strengthens my heart, if I place my hope in Him. So I will look to Him and know that He is in control. My hope is the Lord.