No Room For a Selfish, Stagnant Heart

“’I will stretch out My hand against Judah, and against all the inhabitants of Jerusalem…Those who have turned back from following the Lord, and have not sought the Lord, nor inquired of Him.’” -Zephaniah 1:4a, 6

“This they shall have for their pride, because they have reproached and made arrogant threats against the people of the Lord of hosts. The Lord will be awesome to them, for He will reduce to nothing all the gods of the earth; people shall worship Him, each one from his place, indeed all the shores of the nations.” -Zephaniah 2:10-11

“She has not obeyed His voice, she has not received correction; she has not trusted in the Lord, she has not drawn near to her God…The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.’” -Zephaniah 3:2, 17

 
Before you get all confused, let me give you some background on my walk with the Lord lately. Dry, sluggish, a checklist… On Sunday May 22^nd, we had a guest Pastor who knows Krav Maga, Tae-Kwon-Do, and one other thing I can’t remember the name of. He taught a lesson on the Armor of God in Ephesians 6. He also did some demonstrations using the skills he has to illustrate really how the enemy attacks and the importance of having the Armor on. It really shook me and reminded me of the true battle I am fighting and that I cannot be lazy…

Later on, that fine afternoon, I actually chose to use my time wisely, and sat down with the Lord and began my devotions for that day in Zephaniah. The latter part of verse six is what really struck me, “have not sought the Lord, nor inquired of Him.” To inquire of can mean to ask for information from someone or to investigate or look into something. My time with the Lord has become a checklist. I haven’t been digging deeper into what I’ve been reading. I’ve had lack of diligence and well, I’ve been down-right sluggish.

Slug-gish: slow-moving, inactive, lacking energy or alertness, slow to respond or make progress…stagnant

Lately, I’ve been finding myself ALWAYS tired. Being human, my immediate thought is more sleep, whether it be going to bed earlier or sleeping in a bit later…or both. I have been putting my fleshly desires before the Lord, with my sleep. I believe I’m always tired, because I’ve stopped really seeking God and inquiring of Him.

The next morning, getting up earlier than I have been, I read chapter two. God is so faithful to answer my prayers and lately it has been rather immediate. He first showed me that I haven’t been digging deep. He then showed me, through the second chapter, how prideful I have been and my actions because of it. The end of verse ten speaks of arrogant threats. I have not made any of those, but through that, the Lord brought to mind my speech towards others and even my thoughts. Things like, “you can ask me questions too you know,” or “why didn’t they call and ask me?” Me, me, me…IT’S. NOT. ABOUT. ME. Nor is it about any title. I’m prideful. Verse eleven goes on to speak of the Lord “reducing to nothing all the gods of the earth”. The god I am worshipping right now is me. From neglecting in my devotions, to fulfilling my fleshly desires, to my pride. But, “the Lord will be awesome to me”. I need to fear Him in reverence. He is infinite and I am finite. It’s because of my lack of time with Him that I have allowed my pride and my flesh to reign. Going to the root, that’s it, lack of time with Him, which ultimately leads to my heart. The heart of the problem is a problem of the heart.

But wait, there’s more. The following morning, I jumped into chapter three. Verse two, tied it all together for me. By not allowing myself to draw near to God, I’m not obeying Him, nor am I trusting Him. And I’m not receiving correction, because, well, I’m not really listening to Him. Yet, what is so wonderful, is what the Lord says in verse seventeen, “The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.’” The Lord chastened me; wrecked me, but blessings come through Jesus Christ, who is the cause for praise and singing. He quiets me, humbles me, with His love…despite my sluggish, prideful walk lately, He loves me more than I can fathom…

Practically, I have been waking up earlier and spending more time with the Lord, reading slower, and praying for His wisdom and guidance. Recently, I felt led by the Spirit to message those dear to my heart who I haven’t had a chance to really keep in touch with and see how they’ve been doing and how I could be praying for them. I desire to do that with many other people I love. Doing it, really opened my eyes to the Lord’s working on each of their lives and it took my eyes off myself, which really blessed me. My day was filled with communion with Him and interceding for others, I felt refreshed and restored and a lot closer to God.

At the end of the day, if I’m not looking at God, I’m looking at something else and my motives will become distorted and wrong. Thank You, Jesus, for chastening me and tilting my head back up towards You and heaven.

Lord, forgive my stagnancy and pride. I look to You and I long
to press on down the path You've called me to. Thank You for
Your infinite love.

Rejoice in This Divine Romance

“’I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.” -Hosea 2:19-20

Almost two years ago during my training in IGNITE, we had to make blogs to share our IBS’s on, and I called my blog “Rejoice in this Divine Romance”, the very blog you are reading off of today. At that time, I really just picked that title because I liked that Phil Wickham song and I knew the Lord loved me, but the depth and reality of this specific love, this divine romance, hasn’t sunk in until now…

It was Wednesday April 20^th, 2016, the day before I left to return to Guatemala. Whitefish locals and Potter’s Field staff were attending church service at Selah Fellowship. Before the service began, the congregation was lifting up their voices to the King. “Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You’re my God…”. “You’re a good, good Father…”. It was all a picture of pointing it back to Him; lost in His presence.

Pastor Steve Miller went into teaching in John chapter one. Everything points back to Christ. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.” -John 1:14 We should celebrate this life, this eternity that Christ has given us. Everything points back to Christ.

The service was closed with a time of Communion. “…do this in remembrance of Me.’” (Luke 22:19) Everything points back to Christ. While everyone had a time to reflect, remember, and surrender, the worship team was singing “Carried to the Table”. Some of the lyrics sing, “Summoned by the King, into the Master’s courts. Lifted by the Savior and cradled in His arms. I was carried to the table, seated where I don’t belong. Carried to the table, swept away by His love.” In the midst of praying and listening, I had a picture of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, lifting up my chin, taking my hand, and dancing with me…

I wasn’t sure why the Lord gave me this image, but it was intimate. A few days later when I read Hosea chapter two, I understood. The Lord has betrothed me to Him. God gives me the most sacred and firm security imaginable and loves me, protects me, and provides for me in a much deeper way than I can ever fully comprehend. He has bound me to Him, I am His beloved. I need to view Him the same way, as my Beloved…

So, “for You I sing, I dance. Rejoice in this divine romance…”



Photo Credit: Emily Czadrick-Spicer
Photo of: Sara Halstead

A Pilgrim

If I didn't move around, I wouldn't be here {again} witnessing interns lead
Guatemalan children in worship. "Santo, santo, santo, yo quiero verte".

            As I cozied down in my spot for my morning devotion and soaked in the glow of the sun, my mind was flooded with a ton of thoughts…realizations. I haven’t lived in a consistent place since July 2014, I’m always missing someone everywhere I go, and it takes a lot of faith to move around so much not knowing what’s fully next. These were all things I already knew, but it just hit me in a different way today, in a bad way, ways that brought me down instead of having confidence in the Lord. It was heavy and quite awful…BUT GOD.

            I began reading in Jeremiah chapter 48 and several verses stood out to me, they are slightly random, but God used them. “For because you have trusted in your works and your treasures, you also shall be taken. And Chemosh shall go forth into captivity, His priests and his princes together. … Cursed is he who does the work of the Lord deceitfully, and cursed is he who keeps back his sword from blood. … And Moab shall be destroyed as a people, because he exalted himself against the Lord." –Jeremiah 48:7, 10, 42

            I wrote: Brittani, why are you flooded with this fear and sadness all of a sudden? Yes, you miss your family and friends in Colorado, Cambodia, and Montana. Yes, you haven’t lived in a consistent home since July 2014. But you’re a pilgrim, homesick for God’s heavenly Kingdom (Hebrews 11:16). Let Him be your comfort. Don’t trust in your works or treasures, temporary things, trust in the Lord your God. Go forth in the work He has for you, faithfully, not deceitfully and on your own strength. He is calling you, do you trust Him in everything? You have the one step ahead of you (Psalm 119:105) and that’s all He will give you right now. Let nothing move you so you can finish your race and testify to the gospel of the grace of God (Acts 20:24). Yes, you’re jumping around, but that’s what He’s called you to do. Stay faithful! And how sweet is it that you do have your heart in so many places and that the Lord has allowed you to build so many relationships? Never get ahead of yourself, don’t let your flesh gain control, because you will exalt yourself before the Lord. I don’t desire to do that, the glory is and always will be the Lord’s.

            God even used some dear friends to speak to me and I don’t think they realized it, but that’s how you know it’s the Lord. They said (paraphrased), “you know there is always someone out there who is wishing they were doing what you were doing and vice versa.” And, “yeah and no one’s calling is greater.” Those things I already knew, but it just put things into perspective for me. I really am just a pilgrim making it to my heavenly home, I don’t need a consistent “home” here, Jesus is my home, my shelter, my center, and that’s all that should matter. The fact that He is calling me to do what I’m doing is amazing and I am not equipped, but God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

If I didn't move around, I would've never met Emily (right) in Montana and little did I know
she would be here in Guat. If I didn't move around, I would've never met Sara (middle) here
in Guat and I would've never had this sweet sisterhood with them.

Let It Go

I drink out of this cup almost daily. May I remember to
"Let it go" and to let God.

       “Perhaps some future day, Lord, Thy strong hand will lead me to the place where I must stand utterly alone. Alone, O gracious Lover, but for Thee; I shall be satisfied if I can see Jesus only. I do not know Thy plan for years to come, my spirit finds in Thee its perfect home, sufficiency. Lord, all my desire before Thee now, lead on, no matter where, no matter how – I trust in Thee.” –Elisabeth Elliot; The Path of Loneliness  

As I sat in the garden this morning with an overwhelmed heart and the wind blowing rather roughly, I just cried out to God. Lord, I need You. I read in Jeremiah chapter 19 the beginning of verse 4, “Because they have forsaken Me and made this an alien place, because they have burned incense in it to other gods…” I have an idol in my life that I can’t seem to shake. I give it to God and pick it right back up again or I give it to God and hold one piece back, I believe because of fear. And that’s not trusting the Lord. It’s also hindering me from being the Lord’s entirely. I’ve allowed something to hinder me from FULLY singing, “the cross before me, the world behind me” or “you can have all this world, but give me Jesus”…I am called to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus (Matthew 16:24). Deny myself includes this world, my desires, my burdens, ALL of me.

 

As I recall my time in training during IGNITE and read back on my blog from September 18^th, 2014 on Philippians 3:11, dying-to-self daily, moment to moment was the key thing. It still is and always will be. I’m learning it all over again, just in a different way. Oh and did I mention the theme for this week for the interns is contentment? God knows 100% what He’s doing and I needed a wakeup call.

I also read this today from Frances J. Roberts; Come Away My Beloved…And Rest “O my Father, I would pour out my soul unto Thee. I am unworthy of all Thy benefits and dull of hearing. Thy teachings I treasure, and to be instructed of Thee is my desire, but I sit too seldom at Thy feet, and my heart is too often occupied with other affairs. Thy Spirit oft would settle as a dove upon my shoulder, but my activity affords Him no quiet resting place. Inspiration Thou wouldst bring to me, but my thoughts are preoccupied with the cares of this life. Deliver me from the snare of the fowler…from any contrivance of circumstances that would seek to destroy the ministry of the dove of peace in my heart. Give to me a quiet, meditative spirit that will provide fertile soil for the propagation of Thy Truth. Let me be open to an encounter with Thee at all times. Separate from me all that is evil, and let me cling steadfastly to all that is good. Be my instructor; be my guide, and withhold not Thy rod of correction when Thou discernest that I have need of rebuke. My hope is in Thee, for I am unable to order my own steps wisely, neither can I escape the pitfalls except Thy Spirit protect me and keep me. I will trust in Thee. I will lean my entire weight upon Thee. I will reckon on Thy mercy and depend upon Thy power.”

          That is exactly what is going on, I received rebuke, and may this (all that has been said) be my prayer. “Holy fire burn away my desire for anything that is not of You and is of me, I want more of You and less of me…” The quote from Elisabeth Elliot is in my wardrobe, but I never read it…my application is to read it every time I open my wardrobe, pray for total surrender, and walk out 1 Corinthians 15:58, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.”

Higher Than My Ways

Adventures in the streets of Antigua.

 

It’s has been about two and a half months since I have written. Normally that probably isn’t good, but in this case it is, because God has taught me a lesson in it. Once God showed me that obedience is greater than sacrifice, I was such on high from that hard but eye opening lesson, that I was expecting Him to show me something in the same capacity. But that’s not how God always chooses to speak, He was showing me to continue to walk out what He had just taught me and to stay faithful and obedient in reading His word. –What an important lesson that is too. And even when I felt dry or was afraid that God “wasn’t going to speak to me” (which is a lie, because He always speaks), He was faithful to show me something. God is good.

Well, now I am in Guatemala and have been for two weeks. Once I had truly let go of where God was going to have me and just be obedient to where I was at the time, I was told I was going to be going to Guatemala in January to be an R.A. And boy, do I see God’s hand on this situation; it has definitely been His leading. My first morning back in this beautiful place was a wonderful moment with the Lord as I sat in the same spot I did in July through early October of 2014. He was bringing to memory the growth that took place in my heart here because of Him. As we were at Kid’s Club yesterday, I felt like I was outside of myself just looking onto the situation in awe. I can’t really explain it, it was simply the Lord. I was flooded with wonder by all that the Lord has done and brought me to. I never would’ve thought I would be in Antigua, Guatemala again. Yet, here I am and it is so sweet to reconnect with those I grew to love and to meet and add many others to this big family the Lord has blessed me with.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” These verses mean so much to me in this season. As I reflect where I was after IGNITE and my mind being set on one way, I see that He has stripped me of that. I wanted to return to Cambodia in September of 2015, Montana definitely was not on my radar and Guatemala I didn’t really consider an option. Yet, He led me to Montana and has now brought me to Guatemala. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I still believe God is ultimately leading me to Cambodia, but I’m not holding onto it as I was before. I trust in God and that promise, but I am all here and I want to be all in every place He brings me to. His ways are truly higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts. And even as I am here, helping lead IGNITE Class 10, I must remember these two verses as I plan or desire certain things to happen, because His way is going to happen here (and anywhere) no matter what. My expectations are in You, Lord; may everything I do come from You and be for Your glory.

My fellow girl R.A.s, Sara and Emily.
~ From IGNITE Classes 6, 7, & 8 ~

 

Obedience over Sacrifice

“The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. …Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. … A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” –Proverbs 16:1, 3, 9

 “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” –Psalm 37:5

 “So Samuel said: ‘Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams." -1 Samuel 15:22

“‘Thus says the Lord of hosts: ‘Let your hands be strong, you who have been hearing in these days these words by the mouth of the prophets, who spoke in the day the foundation was laid for the house of the Lord of hosts, that the temple might be built.” –Zechariah 8:9

 “What if I ask you to stay here until July?" (Wait, woah that can be a thing) My response, in all honesty, is that would be hard. Just when I thought I had let it go, I had picked it right back up again. I thought I was at a place of trusting the Lord completely, but I quickly realized that my mind was closed off on any other options and I was holding onto my desire. My heart is in Cambodia, but I also am here, right now. The people of Whitefish, Montana need Jesus just as much as Castle Rock, Colorado and Cambodia. Yes, things will come to pass, Lord willing, but my heart needs to be here where the Lord has me now.

I remember Pastor Dave pointing me to Proverbs 16, especially verse nine, before I left for Montana. It didn’t fully hit me until now. “A man’s heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.” Since being here, I have seen that being played out…and it’s hard, it’s a lot of dying to self, but it’s so beautiful. I am truly grateful the Lord directs my steps. Where would I be without these lessons He is teaching me along the way?

What I’ve found in myself is that I was doing in order to get. Everything was ritual in a sense, a check mark in a box. I knew I needed to come here, so done, I’m here, Lord, take me to the next step. I sacrificed being around my family and friends for this, isn’t that good enough, God? NO. Wrong. It is not good enough. I needed to be coming and doing out of obedience as 1 Samuel 15:22 says and because of my love for the Lord.

Zechariah chapter eight verse nine reads, “‘Thus says the Lord of hosts: ‘Let your hands be strong, you who have been hearing in these days these words by the mouth of the prophets, who spoke in the day the foundation was laid for the house of the Lord of hosts, that the temple might be built.” In light of future promises, get back to work! Because of all the things the Lord is going to do, it should get me excited for the work right now. The temple was the focus then, in order to have Jerusalem, “the Holy City of the future”. The focus needed to be on the work before them, just as much as my focus needs to be on the work before me.

I must commit my works and plans to the Lord [always], trust in Him and His perfect timing [always], and He will do the rest. Lord, I give it all to you with open hands. Whether Your timing is in January 2016 or July 2016 or whatever else may come about, Lord I trust and know You know what is best. What is six more months, if that is what You call me to, in the grand scheme of things? I don’t want anything that is outside of Your will. Take it all, give me an obedient heart, and may I go on serving in this ministry here and serving the people here to the fullest extent, because I know this is where You’ve called me now and because I love You, Lord.

Obedience > Sacrifice

Lord, I go because I love YOU. I go because You have
called me. I go out of obedience.
Photo Credit: Caitlyn Coy

 

Solemn Silence

"Solemn”- formal and dignified, serious, or characterized by deep sincerity

 "The righteousness of the upright will deliver them, but the unfaithful will be caught by their lust." -Proverbs 11:6

 “Lust”- (can be) a passionate desire for something

 "He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much." -Luke 16:10

I have been in Whitefish, Montana for three weeks now in quite the uncomfortable situation.

 “Uncomfortable”- causing or feeling unease or awkwardness

 I am the new girl in a sense. I am working in an office. I am cleaning a church. I am growing up in a sense ("but I want to stay in Neverland," says my flesh). As I am living with these wonderful girls, it is taking time for me to open up and I feel like there is nowhere to turn. {Alone.} As I work in a quiet office, there is a lot of silence and working on my own. {Alone.} As I clean the church, I am by myself for eight hours. {Alone.} I eat most of my meals by myself. {Alone.} I am in solitude and I am discovering that I need it, it's a gift.

A little reminder as I mop the church.

One sunny day, working in the office, I was putting send stickers on 1,000 letters and sealing them, alone. The process did take me the eight hour day. I found myself going through the motions of the task at hand, but my thoughts were wandering. I was longing for Colorado, my family, my friends, and the ministry I was doing there. I was longing for Cambodia, the people there, and the work going on there. I found myself lusting after different seasons. I was being faithful in the work, but not faithful in my mind and heart. And that's when God kind of shook me. In that moment, I asked for forgiveness and I moved forward in praying for the people and ministry back "home", praying for the people and ministry here, and praying for Cambodia and the ministry there. I listened to several sermons and worship songs. And I thanked God for the now and what He had me doing in that moment. I really do need to be more thankful for such a time as this. The past has come and gone, the future isn't even guaranteed, but the present is where I'm at now, it's a gift.



Folding, sticking, and sealing thousands of letters to be
sent to PFM sponsors.

From that moment, I've been noticing how much the Lord wants me to just seek Him and rely on Him. He has given me these moments of solitude so I can pray, confide in Him, hear from Him, and make Him my comfort. “Tarry not for an opportunity to have more time alone with Me. … Our time together is like a garden full of flowers, whereas the time you give to things is as a field full of stubble.” (“Come Away My Beloved…And Rest” Frances J. Roberts) I can't miss out on these opportunities to be able to seek Him more by myself, not everyone gets that luxury. I get to use my hands and feet physically and I get to spend time with the Lord at the same time, for hours on end! I am also thankful for the small, but divine moments the Lord has given me with some people here. But I know as of now I get to clean and sit in an office in solemn silence, but grow in the Lord and hear from Him. {Alone. Yet not at all.}

Every Friday morning I get to look forward to assisting with the
children at Selah Fellowship in something called "Tiny Tots".
Parents can come and fellowship, while the kids get to
play, have a snack, and sing songs.