Solemn Silence

"Solemn”- formal and dignified, serious, or characterized by deep sincerity

 "The righteousness of the upright will deliver them, but the unfaithful will be caught by their lust." -Proverbs 11:6

 “Lust”- (can be) a passionate desire for something

 "He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much." -Luke 16:10

I have been in Whitefish, Montana for three weeks now in quite the uncomfortable situation.

 “Uncomfortable”- causing or feeling unease or awkwardness

 I am the new girl in a sense. I am working in an office. I am cleaning a church. I am growing up in a sense ("but I want to stay in Neverland," says my flesh). As I am living with these wonderful girls, it is taking time for me to open up and I feel like there is nowhere to turn. {Alone.} As I work in a quiet office, there is a lot of silence and working on my own. {Alone.} As I clean the church, I am by myself for eight hours. {Alone.} I eat most of my meals by myself. {Alone.} I am in solitude and I am discovering that I need it, it's a gift.

A little reminder as I mop the church.

One sunny day, working in the office, I was putting send stickers on 1,000 letters and sealing them, alone. The process did take me the eight hour day. I found myself going through the motions of the task at hand, but my thoughts were wandering. I was longing for Colorado, my family, my friends, and the ministry I was doing there. I was longing for Cambodia, the people there, and the work going on there. I found myself lusting after different seasons. I was being faithful in the work, but not faithful in my mind and heart. And that's when God kind of shook me. In that moment, I asked for forgiveness and I moved forward in praying for the people and ministry back "home", praying for the people and ministry here, and praying for Cambodia and the ministry there. I listened to several sermons and worship songs. And I thanked God for the now and what He had me doing in that moment. I really do need to be more thankful for such a time as this. The past has come and gone, the future isn't even guaranteed, but the present is where I'm at now, it's a gift.



Folding, sticking, and sealing thousands of letters to be
sent to PFM sponsors.

From that moment, I've been noticing how much the Lord wants me to just seek Him and rely on Him. He has given me these moments of solitude so I can pray, confide in Him, hear from Him, and make Him my comfort. “Tarry not for an opportunity to have more time alone with Me. … Our time together is like a garden full of flowers, whereas the time you give to things is as a field full of stubble.” (“Come Away My Beloved…And Rest” Frances J. Roberts) I can't miss out on these opportunities to be able to seek Him more by myself, not everyone gets that luxury. I get to use my hands and feet physically and I get to spend time with the Lord at the same time, for hours on end! I am also thankful for the small, but divine moments the Lord has given me with some people here. But I know as of now I get to clean and sit in an office in solemn silence, but grow in the Lord and hear from Him. {Alone. Yet not at all.}

Every Friday morning I get to look forward to assisting with the
children at Selah Fellowship in something called "Tiny Tots".
Parents can come and fellowship, while the kids get to
play, have a snack, and sing songs.

For He Cares For You

Home Sweet Home

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:6-7

I sit here looking out three small windows in the corner of this beautiful house I get to live in for the next three months. Cars drive by, kids are walking to school, and Selah Fellowship and the Potter’s Field office is across the street. It’s day six, I bought groceries for the first time for myself on day one, and I’m working in an office (I’m not about that office life, it’s not something I enjoy or feel is my calling). All things I knew before I came, but I still don’t like it. I don’t like drastic change, unless it’s to my hair (and that’s only sometimes). I’m selfish. I’m wicked. I’m prideful. And right now I’m not so happy. I will say I am happy to see my family up here and I’m happy to serve, actually I’m beyond happy, I’m ecstatic to be able to help where the need is and learn about PFM, but I miss Colorado, the people there, and my life there…in other words comfort. Guess what, Britt, you’re not called to be comfortable! Funny…I knew that before I left, yet in the midst of it, it’s hard…I’m letting my flesh win.

Missing the comforts of “home” and being anxious for the new is not trusting in the Lord and His purposes. There is a season for everything. Yes, I’m sad, I miss people, but I have nothing to fear. All these people here are like family, they care and are right here with me. And the best part is, God cares and knows exactly what I need to grow in. He is and should always be my comfort. Everything I’ve heard and read in God’s word these past few days have been exactly what I needed to hear. And God’s past faithfulness requires my present trust. I will rejoice in the shadow of His wings. I also know that I need to be humbled. A lot of us tend to forget verse six in 1 Peter chapter five and just look at verse seven (me being one of them), when both are one sentence, it is a continued thought. I must humble myself before the Lord, surrendering my burdens and well, everything to Him, and in turn He will exalt me in due time. This, now, is the humbling stage, the trying stage, am I going to lay myself down, submit to the Lord, and remember and trust in Him and His ways? I desire and see the Lord guiding me in being in a leadership position in Cambodia, but that can’t happen until I learn and am humbled. He will exalt me in due time.

I am reminded of my last ROOTS (young adults) meeting at Calvary Castle Rock going over Romans 5. Verses three and four read, “And not only that, but we glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” It is so incredible when the Lord gives you something, right when you need it, because He is always on time. This season is going to be and already is trying. Am I going to humble myself, persevere, rejoice, and remember Christ through all of it? Despite the hardship, I’m thankful I’m not called to be comfortable.

Praying over Christa with Izzy, who was in Cambodia with me, Pastor Michael Rozell, Pastor Steve
Venable, and Pastor Steve Miller. Christa is overseeing the end time of the interns in Cambodia,
while Anna is on furlough for a few weeks. The fact that I was here for this, is incredible.
Photo Credit: Potter's Field Ministries

Thankful for Such a Time as This

I sit here in my living room, sipping on a cream soda, reflecting on all that the Lord has done. When I returned to Colorado in May, my emotions were on a high. I was happy to see my family and friends, but I was sadder because I had just left my Khmer family and my IGNITE class. I honestly didn’t want to be back. Besides the fact of my family and friends and completing the IGNITE program, my thoughts were, “I have nothing keeping me here.” Yet, I knew the Lord was going to have me here for a season. And what a wonderful, blessed season it has been!

It started off really difficult, I was just kind of on my own and in another waiting period. I was frustrated and I felt like I didn’t have a place here. As time went on, I was given more and more tasks and I was getting plugged in at church again. The Lord was changing my heart, teaching me lessons, and using me in ways that I still don’t understand.

Photo Credit: Natalie Garrett

As what I was tasked with began to unfold for the summer, I fell in love with the ministry and the people I have had the honor of serving alongside (putting aside the fact that they were already my friends). The Lord put me through situations, testing my trust in Him with my family (again).

It’s beautiful that the Lord reminds me time and time again, that it isn’t me, but all Him, and I must trust Him! God surrounded me with friends and mentors, old and new; brothers and sisters in Christ, that encouraged and blessed me this whole season. And I pray, despite new seasons beginning for all of us, that we can stay connected in such a way as this, although I know it will be different. I am just blessed to know that it’s Christ that connects us.

We ended our summer with cliff jumping at Paradise Cove and a bonfire. As we were seated around the fire, snacking on pizza and watermelon, guitars strummed, voices sang to our Creator, and I couldn’t help but bask in the moment. Mesmerized by the flames, I thought, “I am thankful for such a time as this.” A time that I am never going to get back. It may be manifested in a different way in the future, but it will never be the same. And I was taken back to the closing season in Cambodia, when I realized that same thing. As I continue on this journey the Lord has for me, each season has its gifts.  I see now, in those moments when time slows down and you’re surrounded by those you call family, you can’t take it back, you can’t recreate it, you can just seek the Lord and rejoice in it. Eucharisteo.

Same, Same, but Different

Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

The best send off I've ever had from my wonderful Khmer family.

I read this very same verse and chapter on March 31^st while I was still in Cambodia. I had already read my daily reading, so He took me to Psalm 31. We had about a week left on the field and I just needed His comfort. Little did I know, I would be reading this very chapter in my daily reading and in a similar position now as I was then. Now, I have about a week left until I go to Montana. Same, same, but different. I would say the emotions were on a much higher level in Cambodia than they are now, because then I had no idea if I would ever see the people again (on earth). But my family is here and friends that I’ve had almost my whole life…my roots are here. Lord willing, I will see everyone here again (laying aside the fact I should be back for Christmas); it’s not as emotional as leaving Cambodia. Yet, it is still very difficult for me. Every time I leave a place where my heart is at, it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. Yesterday, when I read this chapter, I was letting my emotions take the lead, instead of my hope in the Lord. I’m just in awe of Him and how He works. The fact that I read the very same chapter in a similar situation, just at different times is incredible. He knew I needed to be reminded of what He showed me those many months ago. I must be of good courage and hope in the Lord and He will strengthen my heart. The Lord IS my strength and hope! I am so grateful for learning this lesson again and as I leave and begin this new journey I will look to the Lord, because He is my everything. 

A rockin' goodbye party from these cool cats I call family, which
included a piñata! ;)



A Stepping Stone

Once the Lord placed it on my heart to return to Cambodia, I began to take steps as to how and when that would be. I contacted Potter’s Field and communicated with them. I was told I needed to come to Montana first to get a fuller understanding of the ministry, which is wise and understandable. I wasn’t a big fan of this idea at first. I just wanted to hurry up and go to Cambodia. I didn’t want any delays…all selfish thinking. As I sought the Lord, He softened my heart and showed me that Montana is a step I need to take before returning to Cambodia. He reminded me of Paul in the book of Acts. The Lord had many stops for Paul, all of which He grew him and had many lessons for him, before bringing him to Rome. I already see a lesson in this and I’m not even there yet: Montana will not be the same without my IGNITE class, it won’t be the same with what I am doing or how I am going to live. And Cambodia will not be the same without the team I had, I won’t be living in the same location, the tasks will be different, I will be surrounded by different people, and I will be in a different position. Besides the fact of needing to learn more about PFM, I don’t think I would be able to handle such differences if I just went straight to Cambodia. That’s a lesson I need to learn beforehand. The Lord knows exactly what I need to grow in. Montana is a stepping stone towards where the Lord is leading me.

Through all of this, if I ever doubted this is where the Lord is leading (Montana, Cambodia, and all), He has shown me otherwise. I was blessed with a letter and a donation from an anonymous friend. I was able to speak to my Pastor, receive his support, and be able to share at all four of the services to gain awareness, prayer, and potentially financial support. I had a table with more information and pictures and even proceeds from the café went to me. The support that I got just from that weekend was incredible! The Lord is using others and bringing support in ways that just continuously blow my mind and bring me to tears of joy! Although I am sad to leave Colorado, I am ready to begin this new journey! I know the Lord is going to continue to work on my heart as I head out to Montana and I am excited for the lessons He is going to have for me and the preparation for what’s to come later. I leave for Montana September 8^th and I return to Colorado December 22^nd for Christmas with my family. Returning to Cambodia is still unknown, but God will reveal that in His perfect timing!

The information table I was able to put together with tools and resources the Lord allowed me to have.

“But I Trust in the Lord That I Myself Shall Also Come Shortly”

Friday June 12^th, 2015

“Then David and all Israel played music before God with all their might, with singing, on harps, on stringed instruments, on tambourines, on cymbals, and with trumpets.”  -1 Chronicles 13:8

“Now Hiram king of Tyre sent messengers to David, and cedar trees, with masons and carpenters, to build him a house. So David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel, for his kingdom was highly exalted for the sake of His people Israel.” -1 Chronicles 14:1-2

“Therefore I hope to send him at once, as soon as I see how it goes with me. But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.” –Philippians 2:23-24

         I am speechless right now. Worship, the very thing we can give God, because He is so worthy. Upon reading verse eight of 1 Chronicles 13, my mind flashed to April 1^st, 2015, our last Bible class in Khrang Thnong. The children’s voices danced in my mind as they lifted up praises to their King in the Khmer language. “Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Kuh-me-in dee nah dile kinyom jaang tdoe. Krrow be kdeye srah line drohng, knong kdeye srah line drohng…” No place I’d rather be, than here in Your love…They were worshipping in such a genuine way and with all their hearts. Beautiful. 1 Chronicles 14 seemed to have a lot on confirmation. The Lord used King Hiram to send messengers to David and he knew he was to be king over Israel. David inquired of God later on and He spoke. The Lord always speaks, whether it be yes, no, or wait. Right now I’m in that grapple of a waiting period and the struggle is real. But it is for a reason, everything is for a reason. God is growing me in faith and trust and even so, through my faithlessness He is faithful (“If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.” -2 Timothy 2:13)! Wow. Yet, the Lord is speaking through this wait, even in those chapters I read today (“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” –Hebrews 4:12). Which leads me to Philippians chapter two, which is a fantastic chapter all around, but what really got me was verse 24 (“But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.”). There’s a rockin’ team in Cambodia already. -Paul sent Timothy to Philippi. Now, I am no Paul, I am nothing, I am of no use to God, yet He desires to use me and I desire to follow His call (“Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ Then I said, ‘Here am I! Send me.’” –Isaiah 6:8)! Verses 24 in Philippians 2 leads me to believe I am to go back to Cambodia. As I read it, I was flooded with comfort…I in no way have the finances to go back, but I trust God. He will provide in His time. I need not worry. He is in control. It’s crazy how these three verses are so different, yet the Lord linked them together so nicely! He brought to memory a very intimate point while on the field (1 Chronicles 13:8). He led me to see an act of confirmation and seeking of the Lord (1 Chronicles 14:1-2). And He brought me to this statement in Philippians 2 that I believe, was entirely for me to hear… “But I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly.”

        Through this, I am learning to stay in the here and now. After all, I am not guaranteed tomorrow and as long as I am on this earth, I just desire to do His will (“whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’” –James 4:14-15). I am breathing because of Him. I am learning to also pray specifically. Praying in such a way, according to the will of God of course, leaves no room for me to possibly take credit/glory for what is the work of God. It is His work all along, but I don’t want any possible way for me to think I have a hand in anything. But even through my foolish prayers, which prayer is the very thing I can do…the Spirit intercedes for me and that blows my mind (“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” –Romans 8:26-27)!

So I know what the Lord has placed on my heart and I know what He has spoken thus far, but today… I don’t know the timing of my return to Cambodia, but I trust in Him and His perfect timing! Lord I believe, help my unbelief. In the meantime, I want to daily seek to follow as the Spirit leads.

 

What I just shared with you is something the Lord spoke to me almost two months ago. I waited to share, because I didn't think it was the right time to share. To this day, August 5th, 2015, I still do not know my return to Cambodia. But the Lord is guiding in my next steps, which I know will lead to Cambodia. I need a lot of growing before I return...in ways that I don't even know yet. I will be sharing soon on what has come about and the journey I am about to embark on...Stay tuned! :)

An Ambassador for Christ

 “Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.” -2 Corinthians 5:20

This world is a dark place and we are in a battle, but the war is already won, we are fighting through the victory not for it. It has been hard being home. I miss my class, I miss White Girls Yum Bye, and I long for Cambodia and the kids’ hugs and my family there. It is a constant feeling of pressure coming from all sides…like walls are closing in on me…like I’m walking against a strong wind or swimming upstream. It’s a fight for a breath of fresh air. But God’s word says, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matthew 7:13-14). Things are going to be hard. This season is a hard one for me…but this verse, 2 Corinthians 5:20 came up in my devotions a few days ago and I couldn’t help but think ‘no wonder I’m uncomfortable, it’s because I’m not home’...and we aren’t called to be comfortable in this crazy life.
 

            The definition of an ambassador is an accredited diplomat sent by a country as its official representative to a foreign country or a person who acts as a representative or promoter of a specified activity. I am an ambassador for Christ. Let me say that again…an AMBASSADOR for CHRIST. I am a foreigner to this land. This land being this world; earth. My true home is with my King in heaven. Everywhere I go is a mission field and just another opportunity to point people to Jesus. Souls are getting lost every day without the knowledge of the one true Savior. I don’t know about you, but that hurts my heart. I have been blessed with the knowledge of my Savior, so now I must go forth and tell the world about Him. I am His representative, my life must scream Jesus. He desires a relationship with each one of us and it takes those to inform and you to decide if you want that relationship. “I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back.” I am wrecked for Jesus, but in the best way possible. This season of my life may be difficult, but I need to focus on those around me that need to know Jesus.

Jesus first, others second, myself last.